Destroy the Public #1: Victims and Mobs

Keep in mind that I’m an observer making an analysis, which, in essence, is just an educated guess from a rather uneducated person. I am also making these words annoyingly bright red in order to get the point across that I’m disclaiming all future accusations under the basis excuse that I am stupid and you shouldn’t trust a random guy on the internet. Also worth noting is that this isn’t a satirical piece, just highly sarcastic.

“I love teaching freshmen!”

“Mrs. ___, you’re our fav teacher, will we see you next year?”

“Hell no, I hate sophomores.”

Now that I’m a sophomore, I’ve realized why sophomores suck.

It’s the sheer amount of drama. It’s absolutely and positively horrendous.

As a pacifist observer, my main goal is to not become a nihilist. My secondary goal is to understand the behind-the-scenes when drama breaks out. I don’t mean reading into the drama and getting personally attached to a topic, I mean reading into why people can be so cruel in the first place.

People can be all sorts of horrible, sadistic, and depressing. As the guy with zero presence in a room, I have had my fair share of people using my head as a medium for their gossip, so, after forming some thoughts and whatnot, I’ve compiled this post.

Table of Contents:

The Character Playbook

~ The ‘Real’ Victim Playbook ~
(aka “I have real evidence”)

Defensive Moves:
1. Pick the truest and most coherent story and be more honest to avoid getting caught lying.
2. Use real evidence, people will be sensitive and have sympathy. Use that sympathy before someone beats you to the punch.

Offensive Moves:
1. Look for the bizarre, unrelated statements that are substituting the solid evidence in the opposing groups’ claims.
2. Your goal is to destroy the other victims’ bogus defense before the Mob turns on you.
3. When you make a statement, you have to defend it.

~ The Fake Victim Playbook ~
(aka “I have no real evidence”)

Defensive Moves:
1. Construct a story that fits previous claims while shitting on the preferred party. Have no inconsistencies, and meld perfectly into the truth.
2. Fabricate evidence by taking things out of context, people will be sensitive and have sympathy. Use that sympathy before someone beats you to the punch.
3. Do not focus on creating statements that validate other victims, focus on creating statements that coexist with the real facts without denying them.

Offensive Moves:
1. Rapidly attack, overload the playing field with bogus statements so that there is too much to dispute.
2. Your goal is to destroy the other victims’ powerful offense.
3. Be confident. Be more specific, vivid, and rallying than others. Skew people’s perspectives before the other parties win. Be brutal.
4. When you make a statement, you have to defend it.

~ The Observer Playbook ~

Defensive Moves:
1. Observe.

Offensive Moves:
1. Be saddened and leave.

~ The Truthist Playbook ~

1. Identify discrepancies between all stories.

2. Identify as much unrelated, bogus defense as possible, that is the Fake Victims’ defense.

3. Identify gaslighting when ‘abuse’ pops up.

4. Identify the misuse of statistics as solid facts.

5. Identify unsubstantiated POV statements from fact.

6. Identify groundbreaking statements that lack evidence.

7. Identify statements as ethos, pathos, and logos (just for organization.)

8. Identify details omitted (on purpose or by accident). Keep in mind you are not entitled to missing details and you have to fill in the blanks yourself.

9. Identify other parties and their statements.

10. Identify responses that were screwed-up (eg: a bad apology letter) and assess if it can be used as evidence or if it’s just a goof-up under pressure. Smart people will probably follow up a screwed-up apology with a legitimately good apology + explanation as well.

11. Identify statements that were not defended after being attacked.

12. Identify nice statements that are not good. Being and nice and being good are unrelated.

13. Identify false sexual misconduct allegations created to end people’s careers. False allegations may be a minority, but in a heated situation, they may be used to permanently deface someone. (eg Brett Kavanaugh getting defaced by evidenceless accusations1)

14. Identify aggression that is not abuse.

15. Identify initial responses and follow-up responses, then look for discrepancies.

16. Identify the abuse of reputation. Reputation does not alter the truth.

17. Identify stalemates. Not everything is a ‘one point scored for this team’ scenario.

Situational Hazards

Statements are more important than the Mob

The Mob is not a part of the evidence. Do not trust the Mob.

Evidence Can Beat Mobs… Eventually

Legitimate, good evidence increases the chance that a popular fact-checking YouTuber convinces people that one side is right.

Bad Reputation Can Only Be Solved By The Victim, But There’s A Time Limit

Relying on other people to save your ass does not work. Important, incriminating statements must be refuted ASAP to flip a situation. The moment the public interest dies out, reputations will stay locked and forever tainted. Unless public interest can be regained in a number bigger than the initial fame (which it rarely does, because by that point the meme is ‘dead’), everything that is screwed up, stays screwed up.

Take, for example, the popular porn site Hentaihaven. There was a brief miscommunication between the owner of Hentaihaven and FAKKU, a company offering to supply Hentaihaven with legitimate content licenses. This resulted in a massive hate campaign against FAKKU. This hate was NOT from longtime FAKKU haters (who have their own legitimate and well-made reasons), but from people mindlessly bandwagoning. Both parties resolved and publicly stated that everything was a misunderstanding, but the public popularity had already died out.

Powerful Victims Cannot Snap Statements Out of Existence With The Power of Empathy and Support, But They Can Do Serious Damage

The more a situation seems extremely black & white, the more power victims will have over a Mob. Therefore, a ‘fake’ victim’s goal would be to make the Mob be in their favor before the tide turns.

Mobs cannot vaporize good, well-made points, however, they can vaporize people’s Twitter accounts, Instagram accounts, etc. However, Mobs cannot vaporize people themselves. This does not mean Mobs are not dangerous, Mobs are extremely dangerous.

Big And Small Power Interactions Cause Tension

Smaller powers have to be suspicious of being manipulated. They have less room to retaliate if attacked and cannot afford to screw up.

Bigger powers have a reputation to uphold, therefore any scandals and accusations that could pop up would be disastrous.

When these powers interact, it creates massive amounts of tension.

The Person Who Starts A Fire Could Get Caught On Fire

This is the truth.

The Power of the Mob Will ALWAYS Backfire On Itself

…If it doesn’t stop or die out fast enough. The longer a Mob exists, the chances of the Mob fucking itself increases to 1.

Statements From Primary Sources

They are not the truth.

Paraphrasing Other People

Is also not the truth.

We Are In The Age of Technology

We always have been, it’s just that we’re better than before, and in the future people will be better than us (if humanity plays its cards right and doesn’t kill everything with a nuclear war.)

Drama happens online. Statements are made online.

The primary source is NOW AVAILABLE. Original statements are NOW AVAILABLE.

You no longer need to paraphrase something in order to as close to the primary source as possible, you can just look at the primary source’s Tweet history.

The telephone game still certainly exists, especially with media battling to see who gets to tell a story first.

But, in the end, it’s on the normal people (aka ‘The Public’) to avoid becoming a mindless Mob and to live by the Truthist Playbook.

The Golden Rule (For Victims): Evidence in a timely manner trumps everything, depending on if you aren’t completely screwed over already. The Mob is a tool that you have to use before someone else does.

Energy Inefficiency Tables and Sphalerizers

E=mc^2

E = Energy
m = Mass
c = Speed of light

Einstein’s mass-energy equivalence equation tells us how mass and energy are intertwined, and his formula allows us to calculate the amount of energy present in matter.

And, since the speed of light is pretty freaking big,2 it becomes clear how small amounts of mass hold so much energy.

To put into perspective how much energy we cannot access, here is a pretty table constructed by Max Tegmark in his awesome book, Life 3.0:

MethodEfficiency
Digesting candy bar20.00000001%
Burning coal 30.00000003%
Burning gasoline 40.00000005%
Fission of uranium-235 50.08%
Using Dyson sphere until Sun dies 60.08%
Fusion of hydrogen to helium 70.7%
Spinning black hole engine 829%
Dyson sphere around quasar 942%
Sphalerizer 1050%
Black hole evaporation 1190%

So what about converting energy into matter? Is there a way we can do this?

Well, yes.

The most promising method appears to be smashing photons together in a photon collider.

The Large Hadron Collider is known for smashing protons, which creates energy, which is converted into particles. The new particles are then examined by smart people to figure out the answer to life, the universe, and everything.12

However, the technology to track stray photons that go around the collider after the initial proton collision does not exist yet. The stray photons may hit each other, creating more matter.

But, before we get too out-of-hand, we already know how energy inefficient we are, but how efficiently are we making energy with existing methods?

Power plant efficiency is based on how much useful electricity is outputted in a certain length of time along with how much energy it takes to make the electricity.

The table below shows the maximum theoretical efficiency of various power plants:

We figure out the maximum theoretical efficiency using the Rankine cycle, which is the operating cycle of all power plants (usually water converting into steam to spin turbines)13

In my theoretical example power plant, water lays in a condenser, enters a boiler, and slowly heats up until it becomes steam, which will spin a turbine-generator. The steam will then be condensed and sent back into the boiler to repeat the cycle.

Power plants operate on this basic design, which is to use energy to spin a turbine. Nuclear power plants are great for this because nuclear fusion is more efficient than burning coal or gas.

Of course, this means that hydroelectric and tidal power plants have even fewer needs (and are more efficient) because they use existing flowing water’s energy without the whole water-steam-whatever thing other power plants use.

The Plan

Make more nuclear power plants until we get a sphalerizer.

Debunking Some Satire To Destroy The World

There is quite a lot of information readily available on the internet about dominating the earth. (Which is a lie because it’s all just Sam Hughes being quoted in various articles.)

I released a satirical post on destroying cities not too long ago which turned out to be too serious-sounding and was a massive failure, but also actually a success because people liked it.

The ideas I went through were jokes, such as setting off an unreasonable amount of explosives near a bunch of magma to create an artificial lahar in an area well-accustomed to lahars. Not only would there be national coverage of the massive explosion in the middle of nowhere that caused nothing, but even if a lahar started (if we were skilled geologists and explosives experts), the designated area also had an early warning system and also existed within the realms of reality, laws, order, etc., which are those things that stop Tom and Jerry stuff from being reenacted in real life. .

I also suggested sprinkling radioactive dust around to kill a bunch of people, but my method was not only a logistics problem of discreetly surprise attacking tons of people at once but also the problem of obtaining buttloads of radioactive material. I also seriously doubt that many people would inhale a flour cloud if it fell on them.

If you’re a government hell-bent on holding half a hemisphere hostage then you don’t need the dodgy Acme-verified solutions, you just need to make the damn cobalt bomb and start making threats. The flour bomb was originally supposed to be a mini-cobalt bomb but had to be cut down to fit the expenses and salary of a middle-class worker.

And, to seal up the article in the stupidest this-is-a-giveaway-that-this-is-satire way possible, I suggested basically making a big cylinder in the floor and using it as a musket to fire junk into space to trap humanity. Unfortunately, the Earth is rather big so that doesn’t actually work. Just keep buying your palm oil products and we’ll get there eventually, except the litter will be on the ground level.

However, some people were convinced I had scammed them of their world domination rights, and rightfully so! I had committed the highest form of treason: Making a misleading/confusing header.

So I’m back, and after going out of my way to tell you that yes, that previous post on destroying the world was a joke, I will redeem myself and tell you a legitimate method of dominating the world.

How To (Really) Dominate the World

World Domination: Destroy or own a good portion of the earth. There are no specifics and anything goes, let’s get started.

We’ll be assuming a couple of things here.

Assumption 1: I want to not die in the process.
Assumption 2: I want to not be arrested.
Assumption 3: I want to become the most powerful existence on the planet.

The best way to own the world is to have it in the palm of your hand, therefore I really only need a couple of things.

  1. A survival backpack filled with food, water, tools, game consoles, tons of sunscreen, solar panels, etc.
  2. Experience breathing in places with thin air.
  3. A Katamari.

As a Katamari grows, a side effect is that its user will grow to match the size of the ball, meaning that as long as I bring plenty of rations, I don’t need that much stuff as long as I increase the size of the Katamari fast enough.

In the early stages, the Katamari will be fairly easy to build in secret.

After I reach a substantial size I will need to prepare for larger attacks from humanity, so I will need to strategically aim for large areas filled to the brim with stuff to increase my size before fighter jets, tanks, and missiles can stop me.

This will be important, as I will become bigger and bigger, reducing my mobility (think of how a fly sees us as super slow.) My best starting point would obviously be a junkyard near a big city so that I can start adding skyscrapers to my Katamari ASAP.

After a couple of skyscrapers, I will be big enough to be basically invincible. So the current plan is as such:

  1. Build the Katamari secretly in a junkyard near a neighborhood or something.
  2. Roll up the junkyard and the small buildings and then attack a city and become invincible from humanity.
  3. Set up my living quarters, settle down, and start making demands.

After this, I can stop growth and start making my demands to world leaders. At this point, life will be pretty boring and I will just stand there with my Katamari and watch humanity whizz by me like a Civ game on steroids until I eventually get nuked a couple of times and die or get bored and roll up the rest of the world and start anew.

Either way, once you’re the supreme lord that’s about it. If you want to play the pacifist you can bask in the sun’s radiation until you get skin cancer and die. Or you can choke and die. Or you can gain so much mass the planet and moon collapse on you and turn you into a planet.

Current Problems: World domination seems kind of boring and noone has a magical Katamari they want to lend me.

Unofficial Hentaihaven Updates

Last Updated: July 12, 2019

Important Links


Hello fellow gamers, Hentaihaven has been experiencing some turbulence and lots has been happening.

In order to sort some things out, I decided to make a page dedicated to monitoring Hentaihaven.

This site will be experiencing its own turbulence with the transfer of some ownership of some things until July 11, so I recommend joining the RSS feed.14

Anyways, here is the super-fast summary of what has happened.

#HHAintDead (New)

So now we finally have a clear-er-ish view of what’s been happening.

Unfortunately, PapaHH’s original tweets opened Pandora’s box. The harassment and threats against FAKKU will not end and even though the longtime haters of FAKKU have their reasons, I suspect a vast majority of the hate against FAKKU is from PapaHH’s tweet enraging the masses.

It is great that everything was sorted out, but it is extremely disappointing how a lot of the community has resorted to hating FAKKU without seeing the whole picture. This was the whole reason I created this page, anyways.

Considering how FAKKU was a potential partner for HH for years, it’s clear that the part of the HH community turning on FAKKU either did so mindlessly or without enough information.

It’s also odd how FAKKU was originally cheered by everyone when they said they would help HH and now, after a misunderstanding, there are no messages of goodwill despite the news being good.

It sucks horribly, and I highly recommend that everyone reading this please share PapaHH’s tweet with as many people as possible. FAKKU is getting hate for the wrong reasons entirely, and if you hate FAKKU for legitimate reasons you should also be interested in stopping the mindless hate because your opinion won’t get heard through the noise, either.

Thanks. (And yes, this page will still get updated.)

The #HHisDown Thing (Old)

Hentaihaven nearly shut down a couple of times, but that’s in the past. What’s happening now is its own thing and we’ll be focusing solely on that since there is a lot to cover anyways.

  • HH heard news from FAKKU that a lawsuit would be arriving. (Fair enough since HH is a pirating site and FAKKU used to be a pirating site before they obtained legit licenses.)
  • FAKKU offered to sort out HH with some licenses, an absolute lifesaver.

The owner of HH tweeted and also sent to Hentaihaven: (and also deleted, because of reasons stated below)

This post will be removed soon so here’s the truth about what’s happening with HH.

I’m the creator of HH, and I’ve been silent for too long because I had hope things would work out. Unfortunately, it isn’t going to.

HH, as you know it, is dead. FAKKU has completely taken over and booted me out. First red flag was this BS re-launch they did without even telling me. Hell, they completely stopped talking to me as soon as I handed over the website and social media credentials. Thankfully, they were stupid enough to keep using my damn CDN so I can get one last message out to you guys.

It fucking sucks it has come to this. HH was my passion project, my baby. I worked on every little detail, wrote the taglines yo ulaughed at, designed the layout, posted the videos and helped create the community we all know and love. I couldn’t have done any of it without an awesome team to support me, and I’m thankful to every single one of you.

I had such high hopes about this whole thing. I remember emailing FAKKU in 2016 telling them about a vision I had of HH being the crunchyroll of Hentai. I’ve been talking to them for years on and off, I trusted them. But things never quite lined up for us to work together. When FAKKU told me (conveniently) about some legal trouble headed my way and offered to bail me out last year, I was elated. I still am in fact. But had I known that [it] would’ve cost me my entire website, my baby, I would’ve fucking gone at it on my own, spending every cent I had to protect this community. FAKKU told me everything I wanted to hear, offering me equity, employment, all that. Told me we can’t put all that in the contract right now cause the company hasn’t been officially registered yet and I took them at their word. Turns out, people lie. A whole LOT when money is involved.

So what’s next? I got a few ideas. Follow my exploits over at @realpapahh for any announcements. DM if you want. I got that newly unemployed free time.

TLDR; FAKKU played me like a cum-stained violin.

Jacob Grady (that one FAKKU person that we didn’t know existed) replied:

To dispel some of the rumors going around. PapaHH shut down HH after being alerted of legal threats from Japan.

I was in a position to help make HH legitimate and agreed to help negotiate on their behalf. Together, we had been working on licensing and converting their content and services into ones where fans would be given the option to further support the actual creators of the content. During this process, FAKKU did not make any money.

PapaHH helped create an incredible community at HH, and that’s what we wanted to save. But there are a lot more people responsible for it than just him. I plan on reaching out and seeing if this can be worked out, and to be clear: if shutting HH down is what PapaHH wants, I would be supportive.

But, I do firmly believe that continuing to make millions off of piracy and not giving part of that money to HH’s staff, the creators in Japan, etc. is not an option, and that’s what was happening before I got involved.

And then HH replied:

Wow, a prompt response from Fakku? Only time I’ve seen that happen is when they want something from me. Funny how effective a public shitstorm is.

Since we’re all here, let’s settle the bullshit before it even gathers steam. Sound good?

Alright then,

Notice how he didn’t refute anything I said in my original statement.

When Jacob says, “FAKKU didn’t make any money”, ask yourself why on Earth would he help me out if there’s nothing in it for him? I’ll tell you why. He owns 100% of HH now, a company he himself values at over a million dollars. How do I know that? When I asked him if I can save 20% of my own company, he said “sure, if you pay me $200k”.

I know HH wasn’t legally licensed, just like FAKKU wasn’t – until the FBI cam knocking on their door. Why do you think I contacted FAKKU in 2016, back when HH wasn’t big? When HH was on nobody’s radar? Why did I contact them specifically? Because I really believed I could follow in their footsteps and turn this into something legitimate. They were in my exact shoes before. I trusted them more because of it. It made perfect sense to team up. At the time though, things didn’t work out. We kept in touch but nothing concrete ever came out of it. Until…

The purge. HH shut down after I “heard” of a potential lawsuit headed my way. I didn’t actually get a lawsuit. The news came from Jacob himself, and it seemed credible enough so I believed him. At the time, he seemed like a savior to me. Offering to swwop in and take over HH and deal with Japanese companies and come to a legal agreement before the lawsuit even gets to me. Brilliant! What more could I want? Hell this is precisely what I wanted all along! Talking with the content creators and the companies directly. However, one little thing he failed to mention was that I wouldn’t be a part of HH after that. You can see how that would rub me the wrong way. He even contractually agreed he’ll handle any lawsuits regarding HH, but what would that act of generosity cost me? My site. The Brand. Everything I built. Had I known that, I wouldn’t have agreed and looked for another way to settle this with the copyright holders. I would’ve gladly paid the “millions” I earned from HH to the creators if it meant I could keep my website. Why wouldn’t I pay the creators, when I know that I could easily make more if I go legit? It’s a no brainer.

About the insinuation that I didn’t pay my staff… ask them yourself. The ONLY time I failed to pay them was when this legal shit popped off and I had to disappear because I legitimately thought I was in trouble. Even then, I paid everyone who had sent me invoices for that month. I paid the rest of my staff for that month as soon as I heard people had outstanding invoices.
When Jacob says “Together, we’ve been working on licensing…”, he’s probably mistaken me for another one of his FAKKU board members cause I have no fucking clue what he has and hasn’t licensed. Honest mistake I’m sure, so we’ll let it slide.

About the fact that HH was more than just me… yeah, obviously. Who’s denying that? My team was the absolute best! But I hope you remember HH was a one man army once upon a time. When no one even knew its name. When it wasn’t on Google. I built it up from nothing. If you think I wasn’t instrumental in HH being what it is today, you’re kidding yourself.

If you’re genuinely interested in fixing this, and willing to give me a fair share, I’d be willing to listen. But written contracts all the way. I ain’t making the same mistake twice.

Peace

Of course, both of HH’s tweets have since been removed (by HH) because the good news is out:

What Now?

We still have a bunch of things to do, such as:

  • Sort out the legitimacy of the tweets.
  • Sort out HH’s timeline and history of problems (it was summarized succinctly enough by HH)
  • Sort out FAKKU’s timeline and history of problems.
  • Pay close attention to see what happens.
  • Update this page a lot, because this page was cobbled together really, really quick.
  • Turn this page into its own thing entirely. Right now I’m using my blog for this, but I plan on rewriting this page from scratch.

The Summary For People Who Skipped Through Everything Above This

HH and FAKKU are working things out. It’s no longer “FAKKU tricked me” and now “we are working to fix this”. Of course, this could change at any time, the legitimacy of everything is still being checked, and HH is on the brink of destruction (just shutting down) or salvation (becoming a legitimate streaming service with licenses provided by FAKKU.)

Thanks for showing interest in the og high-quality hentai-streaming service. Statistically speaking (from Google Search Console from the last HH post), out of 1,000 people who visit this post, zero actually navigate anywhere else on this site, which is great.

Sad boi hours aside, let’s sit back and hope that HH recovers.

Smashing Every Single Enchoseon Post Together

Excluded Posts:

https://enchoseon.com/1000-original-blog-post-ideas/
https://enchoseon.com/we-will-miss-you/
https://enchoseon.com/i-gave-someone-their-own-website/
https://enchoseon.com/tborkch-blorkreeeeeeeeeee/

Special Formatting:

All text is lowercase, no special characters.

All numbers removed.

Notes:

All formatting was manually made to help with readability. All line breaks, commas, periods, quotes, hyphens, capitalization, etc. were added by me to make this look like a post and not like the large block of unreadable text that this was birthed from.

The titles were created by me (duh).

Lines that are italic are things that I recognize as perfect overfitting from a post. This isn’t 100% accurate because it’s just from my memory. Only entire lines are labeled for overfitting, and keep in mind that I decide where the lines are split because the original output had no punctuation whatsoever.

I was cutting out the middle of sentences for the first 8 sections listed below before I realized that it ruins the legitimacy of the text, so I switched to chopping off only the front and end parts of a text after that.


Magic Substance

A magic substance obtained via blood sweat and tears: Money.

Public schools that have the chance to come this post was ginormous. No, not the people running successful blogs. See no problem with only a buck and seventy-five cents.

It’s Always Beautiful

It’s always beautiful and it’s really just flaming at that moment. I just knew that if I had been looking out, the bike out of the local residents of the death rates for the rails so that I tried to make their own decision.

Do Not Trust Jeff Zentner

Teach them about how they’ll fucking die and/or hurt everyone if they pool their money together under the direction of Jeff.

Future Sex

When I logged on I found that I had lost the bet with a following in the future having sex.

Godlike Level III Multiverse-Exploitation

Give more freedom to the talk and to enjoy the food. You can find yourself anywhere, although most people who can’t pay for their godlike level III multiverse-exploiting capabilities. To clarify, Everett’s theory was not meant to be ranted about in my room.

Extremely Popular Diseases

Not everybody is willing to donate money to a bunch of support for the diseases that are destined to be extremely popular that spread like wildfire through the hallway during lunch hours.

Bad Advice

Get safe sexual pleasure? Useless knowledge.

Complete Logical Sense

If two’s a company and three’s a crowd, then eight people in danger of lahars.

Introverts

Perfectly normal introverts suddenly become adventurous by wearing lipstick that looks like a pixel silhouette of a traditional cobalt bomb.

Microsoft Rewards

The Microsoft rewards program is a way to LAX, barreling down the negative rail the force of gravity while my legs pedaled worthlessly.

My Brother’s Classmates

This means that my brother’s classmates I was harassing a guy who opens up so many organisms.

Enjoy the Food

Firstly, you need to enjoy the food. You can use f = ilb.

What My Peers Would Call a “Mood”

The natural tendency to attract people and to let my dreams die in the past months.

Jeff Zentner Once Again

For the rest of my heart that is Jeff Zentner overflows the banks of Google.

The Machine Insults Me By Speaking About Me In First-Person Wait That Doesn’t Make Sense

The genetic code passed down can react and cause long-term inherited problems that just piled on top of me.

Jeff Zentner Once More

And I always never prepare for summer and there is a nuclear weapon packed with cobalt which is what were really waiting for the Serpent King summary Jeff Zentner.

River

I am proposing two different ideas to be the Puyallup River, which was confusing because I was not aware that I think Tegmark is also an excuse to create and direct more neutrophils which will be about six more items other than being famous for doing nothing.

Blogging is an Infinite Game

Recently I’ve been having doubts about things and the usual such, common events that happen during the holidays. But it was only recently that I’ve been able to grasp how ungraspable things are.

So let’s go backward and grab a couple definitions straight out of Simon Sinek’s mouth:

Finite Games:
-Known players
-Fixed rules
-Agreed objective
-Winners and Losers

Infinite Games:
-Known and unknown players
-Changeable rules
-Goal is to extend game
-No Winners or Losers

Chess has tangible rules that do not change as you play. Chess games end once they end. And chess will have a winner and loser (usually, but let’s not get caught up in the nitty gritty).

Blogging has no tangible rules, and the ones that we do know always change. Backlink spamming used to be great for Google, but now it will only get you kicked off the face of the internet. The amount of people you compete with is humongous and impossible, and declaring yourself a ‘winner’ is stupid.

If you declare yourself to be the biggest and bestest blog, you are really just the biggest and bestest blog in the sample of blogs that you chose. Declaring yourself to be the ‘best’ at anything in an infinite game is stupid in general because there will always be ups and downs in an infinite game. You will never the best forever, either.

To simplify:

Infinite Games: Kaizen

Finite Games: Fucking win

Finite games fit inside infinite games, they are inevitable. 2

Winning finite games can help the infinite game. Fighting for gay rights, civil rights, etc. all help the infinite game for equality and happiness and all of the other intangible stuff we value.

Capitalism provides for a great infinite game. Businesses that are alive today will eventually go away or change or whatever, but businesses will always exist. If Google disappeared, shit would definitely go down in the beginning, but other companies would still exist. 2 Capitalism allows for many businesses to be the providers of something so that if one business drops out of the infinite game, another can provide for it.

However, Simon Sinek raised an important issue, which is when a finite player competes with an infinite one.

War in Vietnam:
-Vietnam: Fight to survive (infinite game)
-US: Fight to win (finite game)

Wars are not finite, and finite goals can have accidental infinite results. New players will emerge, and new policies will reshape and create rules.

Declaring an end to an infinite game will result in immense disconnection from the infinite game. The disconnected player will become uncertain, chaotic, and unable to decide on a goal.

When you are in an infinite contest, using your interests is a horrible plan.

When you are in an infinite contest, building for the infinite future is wonderful.

So let’s boil it down to our own private lives.

As humans, goals need to be something we can see. “Fastest growing”, “even more”, and “most respected” are not tangible, visible goals. They do not motivate us. “Excercise each morning”, “become 20 lbs lighter”, and “do my homework” are realistic goals that we can see.

The goals and actions of finite and infinite players are different, and it results in the opening of many Pandora’s boxes from other Pandora’s boxes inside and from and with other Pandora’s boxes.

Evil Not-so-Genius Ideas

Destroying humanity is a dream scenario for evil geniuses, but the world is pretty destructive already and a single individual or group of dedicated people would have to work extremely hard.

Unstoppability: How hard it is for external forces to stop the destruction. Speed and other factors (like the need to have a big machine constantly running) are evaluated. Extra style points if the method can be used to hold the world hostage.

Cities are great targets for mass destruction because they have lots of people, property, and are a mess to clean up. Highways, buildings, and the lives of people can total up to cost billions of dollars in repair. However, our noobish planning will probably only do a couple of million dollars of damage, tops.

Plan A: Artificial Lahars With Mount Rainier

Mount Rainier National Park

Mount Rainier is in Washington and is one of the highest-risk volcanoes we have. It spans 368.15 square miles and the peak is at 14,410 ft.

Even if there is not an eruption, there is a risk for lahars3, which are violent streams of volcanic mudflow and debris. Picture wet concrete cascading down a valley towards a city and you’re basically there.

Mount Rainier is one of the highest risk volcanoes in the world, and the USGS (United States Geological Survey) made this great graphic that was probably not intended for evil scheming.

Mount Rainier, Washington simplified hazards map showing potential impact area for ground-based hazards during a volcanic event.

Then, looking at Google Earth, we can see that the nearest cities are Tacoma and Lakewood.

The method of transport will be the Puyallup River, which was also formed by lahars some 5,600 years ago. The valley has about 150,000 people in danger of lahars already.

The problem is that most of the lahars from Mount Rainier are not actually caused by eruptions but by water and ice interacting with magma, causing rapid movement of water, which swells into a lahar.

In order to create a lahar, we need to attack this area:

Mining away tons of rock and dirt isn’t really that cool or evil so explosive charges set along both parts of the fork could release enough lava. An ANFO weighing 2,000 pounds could be made for about $1,500 (estimated from the Lowe’s catalog).

Since my free speech is being detained by law, I cannot go into depth on bombs, but there are plenty of guides on creating and detonating explosives. Though, the most destructive of all is the DCAM explosive.

Plan B: Tiny Cobalt Bombs

“We have the feeling that when this time comes to science, God with His white beard will come down to earth swinging a bunch of keys, and will say to humanity, the way they say at 5 o’clock at the saloon: ‘Closing time, gentlemen!'” – The Journal of the Goncourt Brothers; April 7, 1869.

Cobalt-60 is a particularly nasty element synthesized by humans. It emits gamma rays and is the byproduct of nuclear reactors. It also has a half-life of 5.27 years, making it an extremely hard substance to get rid of.

A ‘traditional’ cobalt bomb is a nuclear weapon packed with cobalt-59 (which is a single neutron away from its deadly cousin). Once the nuclear weapon explodes, the neutrons from the nuclear reaction turn the cobalt-59 into cobalt-60, spewing out a cloud of radioactive death into the atmosphere.

Unfortunately, cobalt doesn’t really explode and we don’t have access to nukes so we need the cobalt-60 to be in the bomb before exploding it. In addition, spreading out explosives in a dense, urban city is extremely hard to do.

At this point, we hit the largest bump. A massive bomb is unfeasible and planting explosives aren’t easy, either. Assuming a very cheap price, each bomb costs $100 for solid cobalt-60 and another $200 for the actual bomb.

Deployment would be possible with cars, suitcases, etc.; all of the usual terrorist stuff.

If the radiation in the city gets to 8 sV, a person walking outside could get cancer or permanent damage to their lungs in less than an hour.

After talking with some smart college students, a cheaper plan was created:

Image result for bag of flour

Flour bombs.

If the Cobalt-60 can be safely ground into fine dust and mixed into ziplock bags filled with a powdery substance like flour (of course, flour isn’t exactly the best powdery substance because it turns to mush in water), it can be dropped off buildings onto busy streets. Drones carrying the packages could be parked on various buildings to simultaneously drop all of the bombs after all of the bombs are planted.

Plan C: Space Littering

Space litter is a large problem. Space litter is composed of defunct satellites, rocket pieces, and the other random human junk we throw up there.

Scientists are scared that space junk will halt space exploration efforts by coating Earth in an impenetrable shield of junk orbiting faster than a bullet.

Robots have been proposed to collect space junk, but if we hit the point of no return before then it’ll be impossible to send anything out of Earth for possibly the next century.

Things That Will Cease To Exist If We Are Trapped By Junk:

  • Anything reliant on satellites, like GPS, Earth monitoring devices, etc.

In order to trap humanity on Earth and stagnate all space endeavors, we need to shoot stuff out of Earth at about 10 km/s.

But that isn’t the whole story, we also need to deal with air resistance, turbulent winds, and to avoid detection by authorities.

But first, we need a launcher.

Railguns Won’t Work

Railguns are electromagnetic weapons that accelerate shit at immense speeds.

A railgun is made of three parts:

  • The power supply
  • The two rails
  • The armature

A railgun is basically a large circuit. Electricity from the power supply runs up the positive rail and travels back down the negative rail, creating a magnetic field where the electricity is.

The magnetic force travels around the rails in a counterclockwise circle around the positive rail and a clockwise circle around the negative rail.

The force exerted on the projectile is called Lorentz force, which can be given by F = qE + qv × B2.

The armature is the thing that connects the circuit by bridging the two rails. The armature can be a conductive coating on the projectile or plasma.

In order to calculate the force for a railgun, you can use F = (i)(l)(b)3.

A railgun also must be able to support the massive amount of electricity required without melting the rails, having the rails split apart from the electromagnetic force. Most railguns can only fire once or twice before breaking down. The armature must also be capable of moving extremely fast without breaking under the force.

The Expensive Shopping List:

  • A bunch of capacitors that won’t explode
  • A pair of large superconductor rails
  • A bunch of support for the rails so that they don’t fly off.
  • A metal armature
  • A way to draw megajoules of electricity from the power grid
  • Some trash to shoot into LEO

After constructing your super-expensive railgun with a group of talented scientists and engineers, you’ll need to fire the junk so that it ends up flying parallel to Earth’s surface instead of crashing back down. This means that there’ll also be a massive projectile traveling across the horizon if the railgun doesn’t melt, explode, or break in some way or other.

Not only do you need megajoules of energy, but you’ll also need to outdo the Naval Surface Warfare Center by at least threefold.

Thus, a railgun is not the best way to go. (And no, coilguns aren’t even on the table anymore).

A Low-Tech Solution

Since railguns are dicks, we’ll need to find a better way to reach LEO.

Luckily, we have this awesome new revised plan:

All we need to do is construct a gigantic pipe in the ground, fill it with gas, pack it with tons of junk, and light it up, creating a large crater and sending tons of shit into space in a firey ball.

Depending on the lack of skill, a gigantic spray gun may accidentally arise instead, splattering molten metal shrapnel over a large area rather than making a bunch of trash reach LEO.


Dear Noobs: If you didn’t realize, this post was satirical

Resources
https://www.futurity.org/lava-water-volcanoes-explosions-1928772/
https://volcanoes.usgs.gov/volcanoes/mount_rainier/hazard_summary.html
https://science.howstuffworks.com/rail-gun1.htm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cobalt-60

How Vaccinations Work, and Why You Should Be Vaccinated

This post was in the works for over a year. And by that, I mean that it was a skeleton draft that I forgot about in my Google Docs for over a year.

However, recent news about that 18-year-old guy who vaccinated himself has re-sparked genuine public interest in vaccines and unvaccinated children, which I personally thought was just a random minority and not an actual thing.

Vaccines in Brief

There are 5 main types of vaccines being used in the US:

  • Live vaccines contain weakened viruses/bacteria. They are given to people with healthy immune systems.
  • Inactivated vaccines have killed viruses/bacteria. Multiple doses required to build/maintain immunity.
  • Toxoid vaccines are made of weakened toxins created by bacteria.
  • Subunit vaccines have parts of the virus/bacteria rather than the entire thing. Side effects are also less likely.
  • Conjugate vaccines combat bacteria with coatings that hide them from the immune system (especially in young immune systems). The vaccine connects to the coating and creates an immune response.

There is some controversy around whether live or inactivated vaccines are better. On one end, live vaccines build the immune system naturally, but natural infections can be deadly.

The side-effects of vaccines are usually mild. The false belief that vaccines cause autism is the result of bad media coverage and idiot celebrities (or the president) preaching about it.

Some Example Vaccines:

DPT/DTaP Vaccine: Protects from diphtheria, pertussis (whooping cough), and tetanus. Contains toxoids for tetanus and subunits of pertussis.

Polio Vaccine: Protects from polio (duh). Can be administered through injection (inactivated virus) or orally (weakened virus). Injection is also extremely safe.

Combined DTaP-IPV-HepB Vaccine: Combination of vaccines usually for children lagging behind. The three vaccines are DTP, polio (injection), and HepB (for hepatitis B).4

The Immune System in Not-so-Brief

 Our bodies don’t like dying.

It’s generally a bad thing to die.

To begin, let’s quickly cover our body’s defense systems.

Innate Defense System

  • Skin and mucous membranes
  • Phagocytes (a type of white blood cell)
  • Antimicrobial proteins
  • Attack cells

Your skin and the mucous membranes around your organs provide the first line of defense for your body.

Your sweat has chemicals that destroy bacteria. Your slightly acidic skin destroys bacteria. Enzymes in your saliva, mucus, and eyes destroy bacteria. Your body really likes to destroy bacteria.

Phagocytes get called into battle to gobble up invaders, but they require energy to maintain.

Phagocytes

Neutrophils are the most common phagocytes. They can move around really fast and engulf germs before self-destructing. They can also secrete toxins. Neutrophils track down germs by tracking their chemical ‘scent’, which means they only attack stuff that doesn’t smell right. Neutrophils also self-destruct.

Macrophages are another type of phagocyte. They also eat germs, but they can eat multiple times, spitting out the digested gunk and then eating some more.

Natural Killer Cells

NK cells drift around in your blood looking for invaders. When they find one, they will essentially stab the shit out of it and pour in its toxins that make the cell self-destruct. They can also kill your own body cells if they’re infected. NK cells detect bad cells by checking if they create MHC (Major Histocompatibility Complex), which is a set of proteins that healthy, non-infected cells have on their surface.

Body Responses

  • Fever: Raises body temperature in an attempt to kill bacteria
  • Inflammatory Response: Cranks up the heat around cuts to help with healing and make capillaries release proteins to clog the cut.
  • Leukocytosis: To create and direct more neutrophils (which will be dying a ton in the heat of their self-destructive battle), your body will send out monocytes and neutrophils from your bone marrow to squeeze through the capillaries and get to the battlefield.

Adaptive Defense System

If your innate defense system fails, your body will need to kick it into high gear, calling in your adaptive defense system.

Your adaptive defense system is much more specific than your innate defense system. It systematically targets invaders and memorizes them.

Battle Plan
  1. B cells detect stuff. The more stuff a B cell learns to recognize, the more information gets passed onto future B cells, making detection of the same thing easier. This ‘thing’ could be your body’s cells or an antigen (which can be any invader, such as a fungus, toxin, bacteria, or virus).
  2. Once your B cells get riled up, they’ll try to eliminate your invader. Each B cell has thousands of binding receptors. Each receptor binds to a single antigen, meaning that it takes a lot of B cells to find one that matches a specific antigen
  3. Once the correct B cell finds the correct antigen, the B cell will absorb it and begin rapidly reproducing. You’ll end up with a bunch of B cells with the exact same antibody to combat the specific antigen.
  4. At this point, the B cells will begin marking the antigens (these attacking B cells are called plasma cells). Some other B cells become memory B cells, which will help recognize the antigen in the future.
  5. Antibodies don’t directly attack the antigens.2

All of the inflaming and fever and weakness from the expenditure of energy for your immune system will make you feel sick and tired.

If you are re-exposed to the same antigen in the future, the memory B cells will still be around, detecting them faster and fighting back without you even noticing.

Dangers of Unvaccinated Children

I say ‘children’ because dead people don’t grow old.

Vaccinations depend on other people being immune. Unvaccinated children are extra-dangerous because they break the herd immunity. They also put others at risk as well.

Children’s immune systems are only recently developed. Most of the defenses they learned was while they were in the womb or through drinking breast milk. Immunity to more severe or rapidly changing diseases like influenza or chicken pox is naturally learned by sucking toes and being smothered in drool.

High rates of coverage are important. It takes only one child to become a big disease-spreading machine to cause an outbreak.

Outbreaks are classified as the sudden increase of disease in a time and place. Outbreaks can affect thousands or few, but the point is that unvaccinated children harboring disease stop the whole point of being immunized in the first place.

Influenza

The flu comes and goes predictably each year. The flu vaccine is usually a combined vaccine to provide immunity for the diseases that are predicted to strike during flu season.

But the flu is just the gateway disease that opens the door for ear infections, sinus infections, and pneumonia from all of the fluid buildup.

The death rates for the flu change each year. The ambiguity of the death rates occurs mostly from states not being required to report this information to people like the CDC. However, states are required to provide reports on the deaths of children, which is why we have an abundance of info on children and influenza but not the people reading this post.

In Short:

I use the term “In Short:’ a lot.

Also, unvaccinated people are at serious risk for disease and pose a serious risk for people around them.

Currently, 17 states in the US allow vaccine exemptions. There was a recent measles outbreak due to unvaccinated people in Washington, which is extremely concerning.

There was also a 30% increase in measles due to a lack of vaccine coverage last year.

I am proposing two different ideas to be reviewed by anybody who is actually knowledgeable about law and stuff so that they can be turned into law.

Proposal 1: Right to Scratch Children with Rusty Nails

Natural selection

Proposal 2: Right to Infiltrate and Vaccinate Sleeping Children

Evade the parents.

As a final note, I leave you with the super-easy staircase to preventing disease outbreaks:

  1. Remove personal belief exemptions.
  2. Tighten down on medical exemptions.
  3. Give more freedom to the kids to make their own decision on getting vaccinated and teach them about how they’ll fucking die and/or hurt everyone if they don’t. Kids shouldn’t have to wait to turn 18 so that they can escape their parents to get vaccinated.

If that was too complicated for the anti-vaxxers, let me simplify:

References

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/2017/066.pdf

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/washington-measles-outbreak-hundreds-rally-to-presesrve-not-to-vaccinate-children-2019-02-08/

https://www.who.int/wer/2016/wer9112.pdf?ua=1

https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/hcp/conversations/downloads/vacsafe-understand-color-office.pdf

https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-are-neutrophils-797223

How to Make an Infinite Improbability Drive

The Infinite Improbability Drive is a fictional machine from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that puts its users through highly improbable events.

The driving force behind our theoretical Infinite Improbability Drive is Quantum Suicide.

Quantum Suicide is basically Schrodinger’s Cat, but with you as the cat.


The Many Worlds of Hugh Everett III

Everett’s theory is as such:

Everything follows the Schrodinger equation. Always.

This means that when we open up the box to observe Schrodinger’s Cat, we aren’t collapsing the waveform due to our observation. This makes our universe essentially deterministic, which also pisses off some people3.

The reason “big” objects aren’t in superposition isn’t that we aren’t looking at them. Rather, it’s because they are already being observed by the things around them.

This is because wave collapse isn’t based on whether something observing is “conscious” or not. It’s based on particles bouncing around and hitting other particles. Naturally, an object large enough to be seen is already interacting with light, air, etc.

This is why engineers go to great lengths to isolate quantum computers in super-cold vacuums. Although, quantum computers deserve their own post for their god-like Level III Multiverse-exploiting capabilities, so look forward to that.

So, to clarify, Everett’s theory was not meant to be a radical theory talking parallel worlds. All of that is just an interpretation of his theory, and unfortunately, that interpretation has been giving his theory a bad rep.

People don’t really look at the source material unless they’re smart professors or a weird Swedish guy, so it’s understandable why nobody took Everett seriously.

The constant splitting of universes means that there is essentially any and every parallel reality you could imagine due to the infinite monkey theorem.

Take this one step further, and if our consciousness only exists when/where we are alive, then we’d theoretically live forever and never die. Here’s where the real weirdness begins.

Max Tegmark’s Quantum Suicide Experiment

The following thought experiment tests whether or not Everett’s theory is correct, but you are literally betting your own life to figure it out.

All you need is a machine gun, a trigger mechanism, and a machine to measure a quark for whether it is up or down, which corresponds to the machine outputting a 1 or 0 with 50/50 chance of either output.

The output is then hooked up to a trigger that controls the machine-gun.

If the machine outputs a one, the gun will fire. If it outputs a zero you will hear a very loud click, but nothing will happen.

The trigger mechanism doesn’t really matter as long as the gap of time between the measurement and the firing of the gun is below human perception.

Key Criteria:

  • The measuring machine must be quantum. Possible methods include firing protons at a silver screen to see which ones pass or the use of a Stern-Gerlach machine.
  • Death must be faster than you can perceive (more on this later). The killing mechanism must be flawless and kill with 100% certainty.

Your creation complete, you aim the machine at a wall and let it run. Surely enough, it fires at random intervals. Bang-click-click-bang-click-bang…

The next part of the experiment is the part that requires you to be very dedicated.

You stick your head in front of the gun.

If Everett is wrong then it’ll take a few seconds for you to end up on the floor in a pile of blood.

However, if Everett is right then you’ll hear the random firing patterns of the machine gun suddenly change to click-click-click-click-click…

Our Perception of Quantum Suicide

The realities where we die are unperceivable because we’re dead before we know it. Thus, the only copy of us that we can perceive is the reality where we live. We never see all of the other dead versions of ourselves. This means there’s a 100% chance of us experiencing ‘survival.’

Sit in front of the gun for a whole minute and your chances of surviving decreases exponentially at 50% each second. We end up splicing reality into at least 120 new branches, half of which are ones where we survive for a little while, but the possibility to achieve the only one where you live after the whole minute is 1 out of 2^60.

If you wanted to convince all your friends to believe you, hooking up the quantum trigger to a massive bomb or a chain of machine-guns would be possible, but you probably wouldn’t be friends afterward.

The only way to convince everyone that quantum suicide works (if it works) is to hook up the quantum trigger to a solar system-destroying machine with a 100% chance of eradicating the entire human species.

There are also theories that the Large Hadron Collider works as a collective quantum suicide experiment where the killing mechanism is the creation of a man-made black hole, which would be capable of the aforementioned solar system-destruction required for our dream quantum suicide experiment.

The only problem is the fact that the LHC won’t make a black hole. I mean, it might make mini black holes, but those aren’t a big deal because they decay really, really fast and mini black holes would be pretty normal due to the fact that Earth is constantly bombarded with cosmic rays more powerful than anything in the LHC2.

Why Isn’t Anyone Else Immortal?

Well, they theoretically are. 3

To us, that doesn’t seem to be true, but we’re the external observers.

If somebody else did the Quantum Machine-Gun experiment they would only experience the reality where they survive. However, we would most likely be in a reality where that person dies.

This raises a question about whether our consciousness is untouchable by quantum mechanics. It also raises more questions about your self-worth, as if we needed more of that.

Breaking Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle

Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle says that when we observe quantum particles we change them, and we can’t tell what happens to them or what state they were in, to begin with.

A good analogy is throwing a yoga ball at things on a table to figure out the positions of the objects on it by observing the ball’s bounce, trajectory, return time, etc.

Yoga ball

However, the yoga ball will inevitably knock over a few things before bouncing back. After we observe what’s on the table it will have changed, and we don’t know what it was like before we observed, either.

Everett says that this isn’t true. Instead, the world running on the Schrodinger equation just ‘splits’4 for every possibility rather than changing every time something is observed, which effectively puts everything we thought about quantum mechanics and freedom on its head, but it heavily reduces the size of your physics textbook because all that stuff about waveform and probability is thrown out the window, too.

Coherent superposition? Bah, decohesion is more exciting.

Everett decided that instead of all of our observations causing wave collapse there was a universal wave function that has the possibility for all imaginable and unimaginable universes.

Our perception of randomness would just be our inability to experience the other universes where the alternate futures happened. Once superposition breaks, the universes have taken different paths.5

Don’t Actually Do This

While this is certainly a fun topic, the non-lethal way to do this (but without all of the dramatic stuff) is to live. If after many, many extremely improbable events you become the only human on Earth, then the riddle is solved.

However, if you die, then Everett is wrong.

Mir Faizal: “Normally, when people think of the multiverse, they think of the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, where every possibility is actualised. This cannot be tested and so it is philosophy and not science.”

Infinite Improbability

Panic

If your quantum suicide setup was done correctly with a 100% flawless killing mechanism, then there’ll be a limit on how long the experiment can run before a highly improbable event interferes with the experiment, such as:

  • Power outage.
  • Biological warfare wipes out half the planet, or maybe everybody except you.
  • Supermassive volcanic eruption blows everything up.
  • Alien invasion with giant toaster robots.
  • “Tiny” solar flare hits Earth
  • Ninety atomic bombs detonate worldwide and force humanity to live in underground vaults filled with creatures from Fallout 4 (you’ll become the leader of the mole people).
  • Earth-sized asteroid impacts Earth and you survive somehow.
  • Moon-sized asteroid impacts the Moon and the fragments impact Earth and you survive somehow.
  • Mars-sized asteroid impacts Mars and the fragments impact the Moon and the fragments impact the Earth and you survive somehow.
  • Distant alien Kerr black hole power plant blows up, sending a powerful laser beam that wipes out Earth in three seconds and you survive somehow.
  • Deterministic random-number generators fail worldwide and stock market systems crash, resulting in a The Purge-esque massacre ran by angry investors switching gears to run an international cheap hitman-for-hire business to regain lost capital.
  • The people running our computer simulation do a reboot to stop your experiment and they laugh at the idea that some NPCs tried to unravel glitches in the code.
  • A cosmic string slaps Earth and you survive somehow.

As of now we still don’t know how to theoretically control this theoretical Infinite Improbability Drive because our machine would probably be destroyed in a string of highly improbable events every time we tried to use it.

Ars Magna

Simple IID: Quantum Measurement > Signal Interpreter > Trigger + Killing Mechanism

If we could control our Infinite Improbability Drive to only kill us if quantum weirdness led to a desired event we would be able to control reality.

The problem is we’d need a way to calculating and sensing whether or not we “landed” in our desired reality before we could perceive anything at all.

An obvious fix for this is to be unconscious before the experiment starts, which is what I hinted at in one of my badly placed footnotes somewhere at the top of this post.

Complex IID (Ars Magna): Quantum Measurement > Signal Interpreter + Quantum Computer that calculates the future > Trigger + Killing Mechanism

A complex Infinite Improbability Drive would be able to do all of that universe-bending magic. But for now, I’ll settle for my boring mundane life and play the waiting game.

Here is an extremely arbitrary Ars Magna:

1 – Go to sleep

2 – The machine senses if a highly unlikely movement of quarks led to a bank error where your balance went up by 500,000 dollars.

3 – If you don’t get the money you’ll be killed. If you get the money you won’t be killed.

References:
https://xxx.lanl.gov/PS_cache/quant-ph/pdf/9709/9709032v1.pdf
http://everythingforever.com/everett.htm
http://emichels.physics.ucsd.edu/Decoherence-JC.pdf

Extra Reading:
http://enchoseon.com/long-post-about-quantum-mechanics
https://bit.ly/2RAWQmw
https://phys.org/news/2016-02-physicists-implications-quantum-mechanics-philosophy.html

*Knock*

Me: Huh? Wait, I think someone’s at my door…

*Knock-Knock*

Me: Yes? Who is it?

*Knock-Knock-Knock*

Me: *Looks out window* Oh shit, it’s the solipsists! Wait, is that an police car in the back?

Marshall Theo: Hello, I’m Marshall Theo Retical. I’m here to inform you that you landed on the suicide watchlist lol.

Me: God damnit, should I include a disclaimer to protect myself?

Marshall Theo: Um sure.

Disclaimer: Do not build a machine that kills/maims/harms/obliterates you, a group of people, or the solar system; even if it’s just for shits and giggles.

The Serpent King Summary (and Bonus Interview with Jeff Zentner)

The Serpent King is a book written by Jeff Zentner. But nobody cares about that so let’s just get into this post.

Why I Read The Serpent King

My ELA teacher apparently likes His Majesty because he’s a “total package.” (A classmate’s words, not mine.)

Fun Fact: He has eleven tattoos.

Assigned to me as a summer assignment and read out of obligation, The Serpent King was an unlikely contender for all of the things in my head that make it to this blog. However, I ended up liking it too much so now we’re both here in this awkward one-sided conversation.

In order to help summarize the story for everyone who has already read a good summary (or the book itself), I’ll just use some MSPaint pictures to quickly go over some key plot points.

Summary

The story begins with Dillard Early Junior, son of Dillard Early Senior who is the son of yet another Dillard Early. It’s pretty confusing but just roll with it.

Anyways, Dill Senior is a pedo priest who is incarcerated because he had some child porn on his laptop. Dill Junior didn’t take the hit for him in court so Dill Senior was rightfully imprisoned.

Unfortunately, D.J. (Dillard Junior) is outcast at school and hates his abusive mother, is envious of his friend Lydia’s life, and is haunted by his family name. As you can tell, his life is filled with sunshine and rainbows.

After winning a shitty school talent show with his rad guitar skills, D.J. gets $50 bucks (the prize money) and plans out his future with Travis, his other friend (Lydia and Travis are his only friends)6.

However, Travis gets killed in a failed mugging and all these plans go down the drain.

D.J., already being in a very awful environment, decides to end his life as survivor’s guilt wracks his soul and grief consumes all sense and emotion he has left. This is supposed to be very emotional, but I dozed off because there were too many metaphors about storms and emotional shit but I think we got the main idea.

But just before he jumps off the bridge and ends the story with a bunch of unsatisfied readers, he finds strength in his other non-dead friend, Lydia.

Wanting to escape the shitty town of Forrestville and its equally shitty inhabitants, Dill lets Lydia push him forward in life into a college. Not exactly perfect, but Lydia is a busy person and she needs to go to a prestigious college as soon as she wraps up Dill’s life to ensure he doesn’t jump off any bridges behind her back.

After that, Lydia goes off to the big city to do her thing there and Dill has a new beginning in college. It’s one of the most tear-jerking moments of the story because we never know if Dill really lost his virginity.

Non-Biased Review

The story is good. Review done.Image result for the serpent king

You should go buy it to support His Majesty’s career.

Also, I know that most of the people who read this were high school students trying to get some quick and easy quotes and shit, but seriously, stop. The Serpent King is a great book, save the cheating for the Shakespeare, Alan Paton, and Jane Austen unit.

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