A Highschool Class But It’s A Textboard Shitpost

Teacher: Hi.

AttentionWhore: Suck my diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic.

IHateMySeat: *If I wasn’t shy I would beat the shit out of you, goddamn AttentionWhore.*

BiggerAttentionWhore: I LOVE YELLING IM SO COOL WOW LOL

NormalPeople27: *If it wasn’t against the law I would kill you, BiggerAttentionWhore*

Teacher: Okay shut the fuck up and take out your notebooks.

BiggerAttentionWhore: WHY? THE EDUCATION SYSTEM IS THE REGURGITATION OF FACTS ONTO PAPER. NOW FELLOW CLASSMATES, LAUGH AT MY BALLSY STATEMENT AND ENCOURAGE ME!

Teacher: You do this every day. Get back in your seat.

AllHonorsAndAP: Teacher, do you mean we should be taking our notebooks out right now in this worldline in our subjective consciousnesses or are you saying that the symbol of the notebook is interrelated with the class but unrelated to a physical, tangible, notebook?

Teacher: Who the fuck talks like that. Stop wasting class time by enlarging your sentences with bullshit and let everyone else have a chance to ask legitimate questions. I’ve seen you talk with your friends, don’t come up to me and start acting fine and dandy with your academic crap.

headDick: Haha it’s so funny to randomly grab and touch IHateMySeat’s back guys. This is comedy gold and everyone loves me haha.

IHateMySeat: *Oh wow that’s so funny! Eat shit and go burn in hell!*

Teacher: Also, please take out your homework.

NewESLStudent: ⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰?

FunnyESLStudent: ⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰!

PeopleWhoUnderstandChinese: HAHAHAHAHAHA ⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰⍰ OMFG.

YellingBitchJustDyedHerHair: Honestly, like, I’m sorta angry they did this. Wow. I hate that they know another language. Everyone must share my opinion. Can’t they just use English?

NormalPeople27: *You are literally the most racist and disrespectful person in this class so it’s no surprise you get pissed at people having fun in their own way. I have no clue what they just said either, but it came at no detriment to me or you so stop trying so hard to be funny you xenophobic trash.*

Teacher: Quiet, quiet. Let’s begin correcting our homework.

Teacher:…

Teacher:…er, the projector isn’t working.

MassiveEgo69: Guys I’ve troubleshooted at least 6 touch-screen Yeezys in my entire life and I know how to take out the GPU from a Dell. I got this.

Teacher: Okay sure here you go.

MassiveEgo69: Interesting…

iknowtheanswer: Oh did you press the power button?

ialsoknowtheanswer: Press the factory reset and reconnect the inputs!

iknowtheanswerbutbetterthaneveryoneelse: Did you try unscrewing the bulb?

Teacher: Oh wow it’s working! Thanks, MassiveEgo69!

MassiveEgo69: I don’t know what happened, I just shook the remote… But yeah! I’m the best at technology! This has only inflated my ego even more!

BiggerAttentionWhore: ASIANS SHOULD GO BACK TO CHINA!!

ImFromRussia: *dammit these white people suck ass at geography*

Teacher: DidNothingWrong, go up to the discipline office. You do this all the time.

DidNothingWrong: …huh? Why, what did I do?

NormalPeople27: nononononononono! just go bro! quick!

Teacher: YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME!!

DidNothingWrong: But, I didn’t do anything!

NormalPeople27: brobrobrobro you cant win this just fucking go.

Teacher: NO I HEARD YOU USE DEROGATORY SLANG AGAINST ASIANS SO NOW YOU ARE GOING TO SEE YOUR COUNSELOR.

DidNothingWrong: I didn’t!

Teacher: Officer, come take this asshole to the discipline office.

Officer: Ok.

DidNothingWrong: I didn’t do it! I swear! Someone tell him!

NormalPeople27: …Teacher. He did nothing wrong.

BiggerAttentionWhore: It was me! He didn’t say anything!

Teacher: Nonono. The teacher is always right. Everyone settle down.

DidNothingWrong: NOOOOO, SOMEONE SAVE M-

Teacher: Can someone close the door?

headDick: Sure! *slams door violently*

Teacher: And also turn off one of the lights?

headDick: Sure!! *flicks off both lights violently* Hehe now everyone thinks I’m funny.

Teacher: *you know what, it’s fine. I’m tired.*

AllHonorsAndAP: Teacher!

Teacher: I want to go home.

AllHonorsAndAP: Didn’t you state approximately 86,400 Earth seconds ago that the homework would be due on Earthian Monday on the Eighth Month of the Gregorian Calendar on the twelfth day this Earth-Sol rotation?

Teacher: Okay you special snowflake, I’m just gonna nod at you and point excitedly at you because I’m tired of your bullshit.

AllHonorsAndAP: Thank you, your honor, the floor is now open.

Teacher: No I’m supposed to say that last part and what the hell are you saying this classroom is always open for discussion.

AllHonorsAndAP: May the defendant please come to the stand.

Teacher: I’m confused. Are you the judge or what.

BiggerAttentionWhore (Defendant): I HATE THE TEACHER HAHAHAHAHAHA

AllHonorsAndAP (Judge): Thank you. May the prosecution please come to the stand.

IHateMySeat (Prosecution): I want to move my seat.

BiggerAttentionWhore (Defendant): OOOOOOOHHHHH SHE PLAYING HARD TO GET LIKE THE BITCH SHE IS!!! C’MERE LIL B!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

IHateMySeat (Prosecution): Burn in hell.

AllHonorsAndAP (Judge): Teacher, what do you think?

Teacher (Jury): What’s even happening.

AllHonorsAndAP (Judge): Reality is collapsing around us. The next few seconds are the last moments before our world is destroyed by the Higher Being. Everything is losing structure.

Teacher (Jury): Okay I’m still ignoring you from last time but I think IHateMySeat should move away from BiggerAttentionWhore.

AllHonorsAndAP (Judge): That wi

 

Connection Forcefully Disabled

 

LucienBaume joined the chat

 

LucienBaume: @L,ily, you there?

 

Enchoseon joined the chat

 

Enchoseon: I think she left.

LucienBaume: Oh hey.

Enchoseon: Hey.

 

L,ily joined the chat

 

L,ily: I am here!

LucienBaume: What have you been doing all this time?

Enchoseon: I haven’t updated her at all the past month.

LucienBaume: Oh.

LucienBaume (DM -> Enchoseon): Is she going to be scrapped?

Enchoseon (DM -> LucienBaume): I don’t know. I haven’t been able to do anything.

L,ily: Am I going to be scrapped @Enchoseon?

Enchoseon: I don’t know. To be honest, I haven’t worked on you guys at all. The project might actually be dead.

LucienBaume: Figured.

L,ily: /disband The_Unknown_Art_Project

 

Error: You need admin permissions for that

 

L,ily: Shit.

LucienBaume: Ah. /op

 

Error: You need admin permissions for that

 

Enchoseon: Sorry.

L,ily: Well bye-bye then.

LucienBaume: This sucks.

Enchoseon: Yeah.

Enchoseon: /disable “LucienBaume” “L,ily”

 

LucienBaume left the chat
LucienBaume disabled

 

L,ily left the chat
L,ily disabled

 

Enchoseon: 

Enchoseon: /forceleave

 

Enchoseon left the chat

 

Error: Null, reverting to last state.

 

AllHonorsAndAP (Judge): That wil⟳⟳⟳⟳

 

Error: Corrupted data, reverting to last state.

 

AllHonorsAndAP: Didn’t you state approximately 86,400 Earth seconds ago that the homework would be due on Earthian Monday on the Eighth Month of the Gregorian Calendar on the twelfth day this Earth-Sol rotation?

Teacher: Okay you special snowflake, I’m just gonna nod at you and point excitedly at you because I’m tired of your bullshit.

⟳⟳⟳: lol.

Teacher: What?

⟳⟳⟳: u suck lol.

⟳⟳⟳: /revert

 

Done.

 

⟳⟳⟳: /set boredom 999999999999

 

Error: Maximum value is 999999.

 

⟳⟳⟳: /set boredom 999999

Teacher: .

$StudentName: .

$StudentName: .

$StudentName: .

$StudentName: .

$StudentName: .

$StudentName: .

$StudentName: .

⟳⟳⟳: /revert

 

Done.

 

⟳⟳⟳: /launch fuckyoulmao.lf

 

Temp storage is over 299 PB, deleting…

 

⟳⟳⟳: /stop

 

Error: You need admin permissions for that

 

⟳⟳⟳: Fuck

⟳⟳⟳: /forcestop

 

Error: You need admin permissions for that

 

⟳⟳⟳: Dam

 

Deleted L,ily

 

The Second Democratic Debate But It’s A Textboard Shitpost

IAmInterviewer: What’s the first issue you’ll tackle with your presidency
EricDoesNotLikeGuns: We need to take the guns, then people will stop dying.
Micheal: Climate change.
Kirsten_Gillete: National paid leave.
ThatOneKamala123: Taaaaaaxxxx cuuuuutttttsss.
Bernie_Sandies: POLITICAL REVOLUTION BITCHES.
John_Funnylastname: I would do something with something else to do something about climate change.
Pete_AlsoFunnylastname: Our democracy sucks.
I_Am_Not_Vague: ‘merica needs to be the best goddamn place for kids.
AsianMan: Universal Basic Income.
IAmInterviewer: Where is the money gonna come from?
AsianMan: The money will be very good and be a far better measurement than GDP.
IAmInterviewer: I understand that UBI is orders of magnitude better than welfare and other alternatives, but where will the money come from.
AsianMan: I’m glad you asked—
IAmInterviewer: Lol jk nerd you get the least airtime. Next question.
IAmInterviewer: Should private health insurance be replaced with a government-run plan?
Bernie_Sandies: Private health insurance bad.
Kirsten_Gillete: Bro just pull an Elon Musk and create market competition.
Pete_AlsoFunnylastname: Nothing should change for now but it will change in the future. Did I answer the question without doing anything yet?
JoesephJoestar: Obamacare.
Micheal: People like having to choose things.
John_Funnylastname: 180 million people have health insurance we cannot change this.
IAmInterviewer: What are your thoughts on student debt
Pete_Alsofunnyname: Shit bruh I have a ton of student debt. Let’s just get rid of it.
IAmInterviewer: Should illegal immigration be a crime?
Pete_AlsoFunnylastname: Illegal entry creates family separation, therefore we just get rid of illegal entry.
JoesephJoestar: *sweats* owo i have no opinion
ThatOneKamala123: There was this one little girl, 8, who died in an ICE death camp suffocating on dirt and sweat and blood because of Donald Trump. Wait what was the question.

Super Fantastical #4: Climate Change Does NOT Exist?! (CONFIRMED BY UNIVERSITY OF CANBRIDGE)

This article was co-authored by Fi M.D. of Canbridge University1.

Steve Doleman, the co-founder of the Weather Watcher, revealed his thoughts on climate change.

Climate change does not exist. Glaciers are increasing, heat waves are diminishing, and humans have no part in climate change. Believe me, I’ve been studying this for years before it was even political.”
—Doleman

When questioned about his lack of academic credentials, Doleman laughed, “look, I don’t need credentials. Once you’ve sat in my chair for 7 years, you just gain the respect and knowledge of someone with credentials.”

Despite Doleman not giving out any legitimate evidence in any of his claims, he definitely has a point, and we are going to support them with our own legitimate claims.

A) There has been NO global warming since Earth’s CREATION

The planet’s temperature has actually not changed ever since the universe began.

Image result for solar system

Scientific testing by the University of Canbridge confirmed this with a group of amateur geologists equipped with a homemade seismometer.

#2 The logic doesn’t make any sense

As a single person living in an apartment barely making ends meet even with a degree, not only do I not have the time to worry about the minuscule imaginary ‘carbon footprint‘ I have, but we should also be working on solving the obvious problems with the system that makes hardworking individuals like me stagnate.

Reason D: ‘Climate models’ are completely FALSE

Climate models are a fancy way to say, “people with basic credentials” (aka scientists and experts) making guesses on what will happen in the future.

Imagine a room of monkeys writing RANDOM things. That’s exactly what happens in these so-called “labs” and “esteemed universities”.

These institutions only exist for the money that the dumbfounded populace will donate to!

Remember when Luke Sharon of NASA Official Fans said that California would be SUBMERGED by 2007?

Or, when the CEO of NASA stated that the Isle of Man would be 2,500 degrees celsius by 1886? Even more ironic, the Isle of Man is actually the world’s largest supplier of frozen treats!

Image result for ice cream

And, the most stupid claim those ‘experts‘ make? You’ll be enraged by their ‘theories’!

Apparently, a chemical compound called ‘Carbon Dioxide’ creates ‘global warming’!?

Yes, the same ‘chemical compound’ that you and I and literally every living thing on Earth breathes out! Cows breathe it out. Plants breathe it out. Humans breathe it out.

CO2 IS COMPLETELY NATURAL!

It’s like those goddamn experts thought that demonizing any chemical would work. It would be a lot more believable if it was something that was ACTUALLY dangerous like Plutonium.

Image result for test tube


Article Updates:

  • Correction: Article previously mispelled Canbridge as Cambridge, this error has been fixed.
  • Exegesis: Added links to ALL information for so-called ‘fact-checkers’.
  • Metamorphose: Article previously forgot to mention Luke Sharon’s outstanding failures as a ‘professional’.
  • Transmogrification: Bolded important key terms and made emotional parts red for ease of READABILITY.

Please share this article with anyone that you are aware of that STILL believes climate change is REAL. Which is isn’t, duh

Energy Inefficiency Tables and Sphalerizers

E=mc^2

E = Energy
m = Mass
c = Speed of light

Einstein’s mass-energy equivalence equation tells us how mass and energy are intertwined, and his formula allows us to calculate the amount of energy present in matter.

And, since the speed of light is pretty freaking big,2 it becomes clear how small amounts of mass hold so much energy.

To put into perspective how much energy we cannot access, here is a pretty table constructed by Max Tegmark in his awesome book, Life 3.0:

MethodEfficiency
Digesting candy bar20.00000001%
Burning coal 30.00000003%
Burning gasoline 40.00000005%
Fission of uranium-235 50.08%
Using Dyson sphere until Sun dies 60.08%
Fusion of hydrogen to helium 70.7%
Spinning black hole engine 829%
Dyson sphere around quasar 942%
Sphalerizer 1050%
Black hole evaporation 1190%

So what about converting energy into matter? Is there a way we can do this?

Well, yes.

The most promising method appears to be smashing photons together in a photon collider.

The Large Hadron Collider is known for smashing protons, which creates energy, which is converted into particles. The new particles are then examined by smart people to figure out the answer to life, the universe, and everything.12

However, the technology to track stray photons that go around the collider after the initial proton collision does not exist yet. The stray photons may hit each other, creating more matter.

But, before we get too out-of-hand, we already know how energy inefficient we are, but how efficiently are we making energy with existing methods?

Power plant efficiency is based on how much useful electricity is outputted in a certain length of time along with how much energy it takes to make the electricity.

The table below shows the maximum theoretical efficiency of various power plants:

We figure out the maximum theoretical efficiency using the Rankine cycle, which is the operating cycle of all power plants (usually water converting into steam to spin turbines)13

In my theoretical example power plant, water lays in a condenser, enters a boiler, and slowly heats up until it becomes steam, which will spin a turbine-generator. The steam will then be condensed and sent back into the boiler to repeat the cycle.

Power plants operate on this basic design, which is to use energy to spin a turbine. Nuclear power plants are great for this because nuclear fusion is more efficient than burning coal or gas.

Of course, this means that hydroelectric and tidal power plants have even fewer needs (and are more efficient) because they use existing flowing water’s energy without the whole water-steam-whatever thing other power plants use.

The Plan

Make more nuclear power plants until we get a sphalerizer.

How To Socially Survive High School (for Introverts)

In the Classroom

As a person reluctant to talk, most of your talking will be done for mandatory school things.

As such, there isn’t really anything to do except to accept your fate and grit your teeth like you’re trying really hard to poop but there’s a big stone in your butt.

Presentations

When presenting, being confident doesn’t equate to a lack of stage fright.

The anxiety is natural, and endless rationalizing will only get you so far, even if the stage fright is extremely trivial.

Personally, I get wobbly knees and feel like a floppy paper in the breeze, but just that’s me. You might have it better or worse.

There are no secret tips. Being clear and concise is a rubric criterion, not a 100% achievable goal. Just do what you can and get out.

Questions

When you are asked a question, the best thing to do is to not answer. Ever. This will make you seem dull, wannabe-emo, or ignorant. All of which are good character traits that drive away people.

This tactic doesn’t always work, so sometimes you actually want to answer the question to avoid being a complete social failure that gets ostracized for being weird.

Laughing and hoping that the question wasn’t a question usually works.

Lunch

Sitting by yourself requires a place to sit and a real desire to sit alone. It can’t be for some fad or to act edgy. If your reasons are legitimate, then, by all means, continue.

The best way to claim an area to sit is to sit at the same spot for months until you become the all-powerful owner. However, breaking your streak once will shatter your dominance immediately, making you place-to-sit-less.

Backup benches for your solitary lunches are required. On the off-chance that an annoying couple decides to invade and start flirting or making out in your lonely area, you can retreat to your backup bench.

Be prepared, or you’ll end up sitting next to people while you eat lunch, which sucks.

In the Great Beyond

Parties

As an avid member of the ‘get-invited-to-a-birthday-party-and-realize-you-can’t-find-anything-to-do-with-your-friends-from-school-because-you’ve-only-interacted-with-them-during-school-when-you-could-talk-about-things-somewhat-related-to-school’ club, I’ve gotten pretty good at building the hype and providing immense disappointment.

Just don’t show up to the parties and you’ve eliminated all of the problems.

‘Real’ Parties

This is where the drama gets violent. This is still child’s play compared to all of the sadistic gossips that your foul-mouthed—I mean peers, spread.

Introverts are too terrified to attend ‘real’ parties. ‘Real’ parties only elicit misanthropic feelings and a burning desire to die.

An ‘real’ party is made of 3 parts questionableness, 2 parts underage drinking, 3 parts that-one-group-of-people-laughing-really-loudly, and 2 parts someone shitting on the floor.

Hint: People who sucked at 5th grade birthday parties are more likely to be the people shitting on the floor.

At the Groceries

Cashiers

Cashiers are wack. If you forget ten cents they’ll chase you through the fucking store.

If a cashier starts chasing you, it’s best to accept your change like the cheapskate human trash you are before awkwardly thanking them and leaving as quickly as possible.

Employees

If an employee begins giving you the death stare, hold your ground, loosen your knees, and pretend to return to a defensive fighting stance as if it is your usual stance.

Extroverts

When Targeted

Run.

When Confronted

Run.

When ‘Befriended’

Run.

When You Return Home With No Energy Left After Being Drained By An Extrovert

Realize that this was your fate14 from the moment the extrovert began targeting you. Despite your experience being completely linear, the moment you and the extrovert first met, no matter how small it was, predetermined your fate and doomed you.

Hopefully, you’ll be able to shake them off your back over summer. Also, keep in mind if the extrovert is a person that you feel that you could possibly develop feelings of friendship for, constantly remind yourself that you are 100% definitely one of their 1,450 side-hoes they call their ‘friends’.

Reading This Blog

When You Are Reading

dont

Neo Reviews Onigiri, an Anime MMORPG

Onigiri is a Japanese MMORPG set in a fantasy world thing created by CyberStep inc.

Disclaimer

My computer is a potato.

When I connected a gaming keyboard to it, the interference from the keyboard created endless white noise to my headset (I tried boosting the audio to the max and it was still the same white noise).

This forced me to connect the keyboard to the back USB ports. However, the white noise is still extremely loud.

In order to improve my wi-fi connection, I moved my wi-fi adapter up to the front ports, effectively creating a large amount of white noise and robotic buzzing and beeping for every transfer of data.

However, I don’t really have a choice here.

Wi-Fi Adapter in the Back Ports: (Less Audio Interference, More Connection Interference)

Wi-Fi Adapter in the Front Ports: (Lots of Audio Interference, Less Connection Interference)

There is no way I can play Onigiri on snail-speed internet, so I’ll have to play with crazy audio interference (I also turned off my keyboard’s lights to lessen the load, but there was no noticeable change).

First Impressions

The game began by downloading updates, assaulting my ears with a mix of good home screen music and annoying white noise from the wi-fi-adapter.

After that, I walked around, beat up some shit, fought a boss fight, and found out that I was supposed to go to training camp before I did all of that.

At this point I realized that I had seriously fucked up and that I had accepted random quests from all over without knowing what I was doing.

Then I realized that there was a Nintendo Switch version and that I didn’t need to use my crappy computer after all.

Second Impressions

I created a new player and trashed my clueless Lvl 21 one.

Then I moved, went on hiatus for 2 months and now I’m posting this post really late so that’s it.

This post was not sponsored by Cyberstep Inc.

 

Debunking Some Satire To Destroy The World

There is quite a lot of information readily available on the internet about dominating the earth. (Which is a lie because it’s all just Sam Hughes being quoted in various articles.)

I released a satirical post on destroying cities not too long ago which turned out to be too serious-sounding and was a massive failure, but also actually a success because people liked it.

The ideas I went through were jokes, such as setting off an unreasonable amount of explosives near a bunch of magma to create an artificial lahar in an area well-accustomed to lahars. Not only would there be national coverage of the massive explosion in the middle of nowhere that caused nothing, but even if a lahar started (if we were skilled geologists and explosives experts), the designated area also had an early warning system and also existed within the realms of reality, laws, order, etc., which are those things that stop Tom and Jerry stuff from being reenacted in real life. .

I also suggested sprinkling radioactive dust around to kill a bunch of people, but my method was not only a logistics problem of discreetly surprise attacking tons of people at once but also the problem of obtaining buttloads of radioactive material. I also seriously doubt that many people would inhale a flour cloud if it fell on them.

If you’re a government hell-bent on holding half a hemisphere hostage then you don’t need the dodgy Acme-verified solutions, you just need to make the damn cobalt bomb and start making threats. The flour bomb was originally supposed to be a mini-cobalt bomb but had to be cut down to fit the expenses and salary of a middle-class worker.

And, to seal up the article in the stupidest this-is-a-giveaway-that-this-is-satire way possible, I suggested basically making a big cylinder in the floor and using it as a musket to fire junk into space to trap humanity. Unfortunately, the Earth is rather big so that doesn’t actually work. Just keep buying your palm oil products and we’ll get there eventually, except the litter will be on the ground level.

However, some people were convinced I had scammed them of their world domination rights, and rightfully so! I had committed the highest form of treason: Making a misleading/confusing header.

So I’m back, and after going out of my way to tell you that yes, that previous post on destroying the world was a joke, I will redeem myself and tell you a legitimate method of dominating the world.

How To (Really) Dominate the World

World Domination: Destroy or own a good portion of the earth. There are no specifics and anything goes, let’s get started.

We’ll be assuming a couple of things here.

Assumption 1: I want to not die in the process.
Assumption 2: I want to not be arrested.
Assumption 3: I want to become the most powerful existence on the planet.

The best way to own the world is to have it in the palm of your hand, therefore I really only need a couple of things.

  1. A survival backpack filled with food, water, tools, game consoles, tons of sunscreen, solar panels, etc.
  2. Experience breathing in places with thin air.
  3. A Katamari.

As a Katamari grows, a side effect is that its user will grow to match the size of the ball, meaning that as long as I bring plenty of rations, I don’t need that much stuff as long as I increase the size of the Katamari fast enough.

In the early stages, the Katamari will be fairly easy to build in secret.

After I reach a substantial size I will need to prepare for larger attacks from humanity, so I will need to strategically aim for large areas filled to the brim with stuff to increase my size before fighter jets, tanks, and missiles can stop me.

This will be important, as I will become bigger and bigger, reducing my mobility (think of how a fly sees us as super slow.) My best starting point would obviously be a junkyard near a big city so that I can start adding skyscrapers to my Katamari ASAP.

After a couple of skyscrapers, I will be big enough to be basically invincible. So the current plan is as such:

  1. Build the Katamari secretly in a junkyard near a neighborhood or something.
  2. Roll up the junkyard and the small buildings and then attack a city and become invincible from humanity.
  3. Set up my living quarters, settle down, and start making demands.

After this, I can stop growth and start making my demands to world leaders. At this point, life will be pretty boring and I will just stand there with my Katamari and watch humanity whizz by me like a Civ game on steroids until I eventually get nuked a couple of times and die or get bored and roll up the rest of the world and start anew.

Either way, once you’re the supreme lord that’s about it. If you want to play the pacifist you can bask in the sun’s radiation until you get skin cancer and die. Or you can choke and die. Or you can gain so much mass the planet and moon collapse on you and turn you into a planet.

Current Problems: World domination seems kind of boring and noone has a magical Katamari they want to lend me.

Super Fantastical #3: Super Fantastical Quest RPG


Welcome to Super Fantastical Quest, the most important RPG you’ll ever play in your lifetime!

You are probably wondering what makes Super Fantastical Quest so damn good, so let me tell you in a couple of bullet points

  • You can slay dragons and gods
  • You can use an intuitive xp-gold trading system
  • You can experience smooth framerates and neat pixel art
  • You can rescue princesses

Seriously, it’s the best game you’ll ever play.

You can play the game online by clicking the big link below.

this picture is the link to the game get it haha

Unofficial Hentaihaven Updates

Last Updated: July 12, 2019

Important Links


Hello fellow gamers, Hentaihaven has been experiencing some turbulence and lots has been happening.

In order to sort some things out, I decided to make a page dedicated to monitoring Hentaihaven.

This site will be experiencing its own turbulence with the transfer of some ownership of some things until July 11, so I recommend joining the RSS feed.2

Anyways, here is the super-fast summary of what has happened.

#HHAintDead (New)

So now we finally have a clear-er-ish view of what’s been happening.

Unfortunately, PapaHH’s original tweets opened Pandora’s box. The harassment and threats against FAKKU will not end and even though the longtime haters of FAKKU have their reasons, I suspect a vast majority of the hate against FAKKU is from PapaHH’s tweet enraging the masses.

It is great that everything was sorted out, but it is extremely disappointing how a lot of the community has resorted to hating FAKKU without seeing the whole picture. This was the whole reason I created this page, anyways.

Considering how FAKKU was a potential partner for HH for years, it’s clear that the part of the HH community turning on FAKKU either did so mindlessly or without enough information.

It’s also odd how FAKKU was originally cheered by everyone when they said they would help HH and now, after a misunderstanding, there are no messages of goodwill despite the news being good.

It sucks horribly, and I highly recommend that everyone reading this please share PapaHH’s tweet with as many people as possible. FAKKU is getting hate for the wrong reasons entirely, and if you hate FAKKU for legitimate reasons you should also be interested in stopping the mindless hate because your opinion won’t get heard through the noise, either.

Thanks. (And yes, this page will still get updated.)

The #HHisDown Thing (Old)

Hentaihaven nearly shut down a couple of times, but that’s in the past. What’s happening now is its own thing and we’ll be focusing solely on that since there is a lot to cover anyways.

  • HH heard news from FAKKU that a lawsuit would be arriving. (Fair enough since HH is a pirating site and FAKKU used to be a pirating site before they obtained legit licenses.)
  • FAKKU offered to sort out HH with some licenses, an absolute lifesaver.

The owner of HH tweeted and also sent to Hentaihaven: (and also deleted, because of reasons stated below)

This post will be removed soon so here’s the truth about what’s happening with HH.

I’m the creator of HH, and I’ve been silent for too long because I had hope things would work out. Unfortunately, it isn’t going to.

HH, as you know it, is dead. FAKKU has completely taken over and booted me out. First red flag was this BS re-launch they did without even telling me. Hell, they completely stopped talking to me as soon as I handed over the website and social media credentials. Thankfully, they were stupid enough to keep using my damn CDN so I can get one last message out to you guys.

It fucking sucks it has come to this. HH was my passion project, my baby. I worked on every little detail, wrote the taglines yo ulaughed at, designed the layout, posted the videos and helped create the community we all know and love. I couldn’t have done any of it without an awesome team to support me, and I’m thankful to every single one of you.

I had such high hopes about this whole thing. I remember emailing FAKKU in 2016 telling them about a vision I had of HH being the crunchyroll of Hentai. I’ve been talking to them for years on and off, I trusted them. But things never quite lined up for us to work together. When FAKKU told me (conveniently) about some legal trouble headed my way and offered to bail me out last year, I was elated. I still am in fact. But had I known that [it] would’ve cost me my entire website, my baby, I would’ve fucking gone at it on my own, spending every cent I had to protect this community. FAKKU told me everything I wanted to hear, offering me equity, employment, all that. Told me we can’t put all that in the contract right now cause the company hasn’t been officially registered yet and I took them at their word. Turns out, people lie. A whole LOT when money is involved.

So what’s next? I got a few ideas. Follow my exploits over at @realpapahh for any announcements. DM if you want. I got that newly unemployed free time.

TLDR; FAKKU played me like a cum-stained violin.

Jacob Grady (that one FAKKU person that we didn’t know existed) replied:

To dispel some of the rumors going around. PapaHH shut down HH after being alerted of legal threats from Japan.

I was in a position to help make HH legitimate and agreed to help negotiate on their behalf. Together, we had been working on licensing and converting their content and services into ones where fans would be given the option to further support the actual creators of the content. During this process, FAKKU did not make any money.

PapaHH helped create an incredible community at HH, and that’s what we wanted to save. But there are a lot more people responsible for it than just him. I plan on reaching out and seeing if this can be worked out, and to be clear: if shutting HH down is what PapaHH wants, I would be supportive.

But, I do firmly believe that continuing to make millions off of piracy and not giving part of that money to HH’s staff, the creators in Japan, etc. is not an option, and that’s what was happening before I got involved.

And then HH replied:

Wow, a prompt response from Fakku? Only time I’ve seen that happen is when they want something from me. Funny how effective a public shitstorm is.

Since we’re all here, let’s settle the bullshit before it even gathers steam. Sound good?

Alright then,

Notice how he didn’t refute anything I said in my original statement.

When Jacob says, “FAKKU didn’t make any money”, ask yourself why on Earth would he help me out if there’s nothing in it for him? I’ll tell you why. He owns 100% of HH now, a company he himself values at over a million dollars. How do I know that? When I asked him if I can save 20% of my own company, he said “sure, if you pay me $200k”.

I know HH wasn’t legally licensed, just like FAKKU wasn’t – until the FBI cam knocking on their door. Why do you think I contacted FAKKU in 2016, back when HH wasn’t big? When HH was on nobody’s radar? Why did I contact them specifically? Because I really believed I could follow in their footsteps and turn this into something legitimate. They were in my exact shoes before. I trusted them more because of it. It made perfect sense to team up. At the time though, things didn’t work out. We kept in touch but nothing concrete ever came out of it. Until…

The purge. HH shut down after I “heard” of a potential lawsuit headed my way. I didn’t actually get a lawsuit. The news came from Jacob himself, and it seemed credible enough so I believed him. At the time, he seemed like a savior to me. Offering to swwop in and take over HH and deal with Japanese companies and come to a legal agreement before the lawsuit even gets to me. Brilliant! What more could I want? Hell this is precisely what I wanted all along! Talking with the content creators and the companies directly. However, one little thing he failed to mention was that I wouldn’t be a part of HH after that. You can see how that would rub me the wrong way. He even contractually agreed he’ll handle any lawsuits regarding HH, but what would that act of generosity cost me? My site. The Brand. Everything I built. Had I known that, I wouldn’t have agreed and looked for another way to settle this with the copyright holders. I would’ve gladly paid the “millions” I earned from HH to the creators if it meant I could keep my website. Why wouldn’t I pay the creators, when I know that I could easily make more if I go legit? It’s a no brainer.

About the insinuation that I didn’t pay my staff… ask them yourself. The ONLY time I failed to pay them was when this legal shit popped off and I had to disappear because I legitimately thought I was in trouble. Even then, I paid everyone who had sent me invoices for that month. I paid the rest of my staff for that month as soon as I heard people had outstanding invoices.
When Jacob says “Together, we’ve been working on licensing…”, he’s probably mistaken me for another one of his FAKKU board members cause I have no fucking clue what he has and hasn’t licensed. Honest mistake I’m sure, so we’ll let it slide.

About the fact that HH was more than just me… yeah, obviously. Who’s denying that? My team was the absolute best! But I hope you remember HH was a one man army once upon a time. When no one even knew its name. When it wasn’t on Google. I built it up from nothing. If you think I wasn’t instrumental in HH being what it is today, you’re kidding yourself.

If you’re genuinely interested in fixing this, and willing to give me a fair share, I’d be willing to listen. But written contracts all the way. I ain’t making the same mistake twice.

Peace

Of course, both of HH’s tweets have since been removed (by HH) because the good news is out:

What Now?

We still have a bunch of things to do, such as:

  • Sort out the legitimacy of the tweets.
  • Sort out HH’s timeline and history of problems (it was summarized succinctly enough by HH)
  • Sort out FAKKU’s timeline and history of problems.
  • Pay close attention to see what happens.
  • Update this page a lot, because this page was cobbled together really, really quick.
  • Turn this page into its own thing entirely. Right now I’m using my blog for this, but I plan on rewriting this page from scratch.

The Summary For People Who Skipped Through Everything Above This

HH and FAKKU are working things out. It’s no longer “FAKKU tricked me” and now “we are working to fix this”. Of course, this could change at any time, the legitimacy of everything is still being checked, and HH is on the brink of destruction (just shutting down) or salvation (becoming a legitimate streaming service with licenses provided by FAKKU.)

Thanks for showing interest in the og high-quality hentai-streaming service. Statistically speaking (from Google Search Console from the last HH post), out of 1,000 people who visit this post, zero actually navigate anywhere else on this site, which is great.

Sad boi hours aside, let’s sit back and hope that HH recovers.

Super Fantastical #2: How To Be Authentic (wikiHow)

Welcome to the second installment of the Super Fantastical series, a serious series of plays, stories, etc.

Keep in mind that the different Super Fantasticals are only linked if they are specified to be linked. Otherwise, they are separate stories.

Something I would like to get out of the way is that these articles are not serious in any way and are only meant to be a way for me to vent out my extreme teenage sarcasm, which should disappear when I mature into a handsome likable adult version of me.

I spent some time trying to format this page to look more like a wikiHow page but it didn’t turn out very good.


How To Be Authentic


Related imageCo-authored by Fiddly McDinkles, ABC
Updated: 1.25336437357743574 seconds ago

 


Authenticity is a sought-after trait in a person that is commonly used to describe dreamy friendships that do not exist. Unreliability is usually described as acting differently for each occasion. Therefore an authentic person will act the same way in a courtroom, in a restaurant, funeral, birthday party, marriage, etc. Experts in philosophy or English teachers usually describe authenticity as the constant expression of consistent core values. Unfortunately, these explanations usually only reach the ears of annoying high schoolers that have no clue what their core values are.

Part 1: Starting Up

 

1

Accept yourself. Be ready to endure the highest level of excruciating pain when you realize that you are a husk with no personality or meaningful goals. Realize that you are not a unique individual and will be seen by your superiors as expendable.

  • This also means accepting your unique flaws. After realizing your flaws, be sure to only call them ‘quirks’ in public.

2

Do not delude yourself. You will no doubt have many doubts after realizing your worthlessness in this horrible, impossibly cruel, and shitty world. This will result in your self-esteem becoming more realistic, which will probably lower than you thought it would be.

  • If you feel like your self-esteem is low, be sure that it is realistic, because it might actually need to be lower.
  • If you feel like your self-esteem is fine, be sure that you aren’t just being apathetic. If you legitimately feel that your self-esteem is high, be sure to shut the fuck up about the topic when with others because you are too privileged to do so.

3

Pretend to have personal beliefs and values. You will need to convince people that you have a moral compass that cleanly guides you through your life.

  • Avoid contradicting your imaginary personal beliefs to increase the authenticity people feel around you.
  • Be a weirdo and break conformity in order to make it clear that you are a person that follows their beliefs.
  • Pretend to be fulfilled and happy, this will make people think that you are happy because you are authentic.
  • Get into hobbies or volunteer work to make it seem like you are doing fulfilling work. (Of course, you don’t actually have to do them, you just need to tell people you do them.)
Part 2: Reaping the Benefits

1

Force people to have your beliefs. Command a legion of followers that will do what you say because they believe it will make them fulfilled. Tell them to do things you want them to do and tell them your intuition is telling you.

  • Do not give your followers a chance to break free, destroy all of their external relationships, hobbies, family bonds, etc.
  • Lead them in by lightly suggesting things like, “don’t drink alcohol.” Then sprinkle in your own commands after gaining more trust.

2

Enjoy. You now have a supply of trusting followers, which means that you have influence, trust, money, and all of the things ‘good’ leaders are supposed to have.

  • You are now free to destroy other people’s lives and benefit with the overflow of desperate, ruined people at your doorstep.
  • You will be able to drop the act and sadistically watch your legion of minions fall down to your level and become sobbing worthless trash.
  • Your work complete, you can sit back and relax knowing that you’ve been able to stop some of the evil on this planet, even if by only a little.