Problems With Living in an Infinite Universe

Before you continue reading, keep in mind that everything I’m about to complain about is being made with the assumption that the universe is infinite.

Some losers think we live on a torus, effectively making the entire universe a giant Pac-Man gameā€”But I disagree, not because of cosmic inflation or anything remotely scientific, but because I want to.

Even if you are a fan of Max Tegmark, the problems I’m about to whine about exist in Level I, II, III, and IV multiverses. My wrath is inescapable.

Also, if I say “world” that really just means the entire, infinite universe. It just sounds better and is easier to read.

Writing “the universe” or “our universe” instead of just saying “world” is annoying and cumbersome, like reading a bunch of “him/her”s in an impersonal letter or overly-PC tweet.

The following complaints are not listed in any order. Each new complaint is started with the complaint as a large header. That’s pretty self-explanatory.

Issue #1: Ethics becomes nonexistent

There is an infinite amount of good and an infinite amount of bad in our universe.

It is only possible for us to create a finite amount of good and a finite amount of bad.

It’s impossible to change an infinite quantity with finite quantities.

Therefore, every possible act we can do has absolutely no change on the total amount of good and bad.

If you were to end world hunger, or cause another holocaust, there is absolutely no change whatsoever to the total amount of “good” or “bad” or “happiness” or “pain” in the world.

Issue #2: Everything that can go wrong, goes wrong

You are sitting in the waiting room as your spouse gives birth. There is a strict rule that you can’t be in the room, so you wait.

There are infinite versions of you that must cope with the fact that the baby was stillborn, or that your spouse died in labor, or that a murderer broke into the hospital and dismembered your baby with a butter knife.

You Can’t:

  • Hope that you are the version of you that experiences something good happening, because there is an infinite number of you that thinks that and an infinite number that will experience something good and an infinite number that will experience something bad.
  • Be content that there is a higher percentage of yous that will meet a happy baby rather than one dismembered by a butter knife. The probability of that happening is just low on a local level, but in the whole world, there is no difference between the amount of dismembered babies and living ones, and you exist through all of them.

Issue #3: There is absolutely no reason to do anything, ever

There are infinite other versions of you that become a superhero, celebrity, or Hitler.

Additionally, since none of your actions have any effect whatsoever on that (there’s no point in hoping that a higher percentage of you is a doctor rather than Hitler).

Issue #4: There is an infinite amount of Earths’ where your least favorite person becomes the savior of humanity

Yup, the exact same asshole who stole your 2DS and wiped your Pokemon Black game save. That little shit becomes the fucking savior of humanity.

Issue #5: You have to live knowing that you’ll never be the coolest version of you

Deal with it.

Issue #6: There is an infinite number of you that will be killed by this thing right after seeing its picture: