Enchoseon

My Productivity Tools

Fri, 31 Mar 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Lecture & Notes

Neovim + Syncthing + Markor

Gentoo Package(s): app-editors/neovim, net-p2p/syncthing

F-Droid Link(s): https://f-droid.org/en/packages/com.nutomic.syncthingandroid/, https://f-droid.org/en/packages/net.gsantner.markor/

Previously, this blog post used to advocate for Joplin for the following reasons:

Markdown
- I already know how to type and read Markdown
- Markdown is extensible:
  - LaTeX is overkill, embedded KaTeX blocks are easy!
CalDav sync, conflict resolution, and E2EE (end-to-end encryption)
- syncing without conflict resolution is just a disaster waiting to happen
- Self-hosting my notes with E2EE is incredibly convenient
First-class clients on multiple devices
- Joplin is my main notetaking solution on my phone, desktop, and laptop
Live preview in the GUI app
Vim/Emacs motions in the GUI app
A sleek terminal app
- Which I found preferable to the GUI once I figured out how to get live preview working in Neovim

The other side of the coin that eventually made me switch from Joplin is:

Neovim is actually extensible
- e.g. You can use Pandoc to export MLA-formatted papers
- Mermaid, Chart.js, sequence-diagrams, flowchart, dot, Toc, etc.
Joplin uses Javascript for everything
- I don't want to run a web-browser to edit my notes
- Even the cli app is written in Javascript, and all it does is create a filebrowser hooked up to their database
The conflict resolution is just to bin changes and do nothing else
- All this overhead with the database and whatnot for lackluster conflict resolution
Slow sync
- Comparing Joplin with its Electron GUI and database and E2EE and Webdav to Syncthing is unfair, I don't fault Joplin for this.
- However, slow sync and bad conflict resolution is a recipe for constant annoyance

To explain the stack:

Neovim: My text editor on desktop/laptop. It's lightweight, quick, and extensible.
- I go over my Neovim configuration near the bottom of this post
Syncthing: Used to Sync my notes across all my devices. I have a laptop running Syncthing 24/7 so that my changes always propagate. This reduces the need for conflict resolution
Markor: Used to edit my notes on my phone.

I get all the features I wanted from Joplin with faster syncing and editing, more control, and easier self-hostability of my notes. It turns out that using three tools that do their job really well is way better than trying to use one tool that does everything.

Anki + Ankidroid

Gentoo Package: app-misc/anki-bin

F-Droid Link: https://f-droid.org/en/packages/com.ichi2.anki/

Anki is a flashcard program that uses the spaced repetition technique for effective and convenient studying. Being able to sync my cards and practice progress across my phone, desktop, and laptop is incredibly convenient.

Ankidroid is just an Android client for Anki, it works perfectly.

Once, I took a (mandatory) class that was so rote that I took notes exclusively in Anki. We had open-note quizzes, midterms, and finals. Combined with the ability to search through my entire card database instantly, the class was a breeze rather than the slog RateMyProfessor.com warned me it would be.

I also use the following add-ons (on the desktop client):

No Distractions Full Screen: Slight modifications to the UI to make it less cluttered while in fullscreen.
ReColor: Theme Anki to match my system theme (Catppuccin Mocha)
Review Heatmap: A GitHub-like heatmap of your progress/practice. If I could only use one addon, this is the one I'd use. It's very useful to see your practice (or, lack thereof) and gauge yourself at a glance.

Auto Editor

Python Package: auto-editor

Auto-editor chops out silent portions of videos, which can save anywhere from a couple seconds to a few minutes depending on a lecturer's ionefficiency (e.g. most math videos are filled with dead space where the lecturer is just writing or drawing).

auto-editor --download-format "mp4" "<YOUR_YOUTUBE_URL>" and auto-editor "<PATH_TO_VIDEO>" are two invaluable commands. Note that Auto Editor is super-duper slow on .webms compared to .mp4s (hence --download-format "mp4").

Writing

LibreOffice Writer (Suite)

Gentoo Package: app-office/libreoffice

LibreOffice Calc, Impress, and Writer are great programs that allow me to right essays, reports, et cetera.

I was also able to set custom colors to have all my LibreOffice applications match my system theme (Catppuccin Mocha), which doesn't have any effect on the colors of exported documents (as long as text colors are set to "automatic"), which is another bonus I really enjoy.

LanguageTool

Gentoo Package: app-text/languagetool

(Optional) Ngram Data: https://languagetool.org/download/ngram-data/

I use LanguageTool with n-gram support for grammar and spell checking in LibreOffice and VSCodium. There's also Firefox and Thunderbird extensions if that's your jam.

The n-gram data takes up a hefty 8gb of space and needs to be installed on a SSD, but it lets you catch errors like "Don’t forget to put on the breaks".

On Arch Linux there is a convenient AUR package for the ngram data, but on Gentoo you'll just have to manually install it. Luckily it is a one-time thing, as the data was created in 2015 and will not need to be updated until American English eventually shifts enough over time to require a new dataset that can handle sentences like "On god, your Grandma's mac & cheese is hella bussin' sheeesh!" or, "no cap just stay big mad because I'm based and redpilled. You're just a cheugy with a high body count tryna be boujee and calling me 'an incel' and 'a weirdo who got his social skills from tiktok and anime' for clapping back against radical anti-Jordan Petersonism. You can catch these hands if you want equal rights because the fax are that if you hit different (because I'm the default) then L+Ratio because that's totally sus. On god you're just an NPC boomer and I'm a mega-rizzed gigachad living rent free and stanning Joe Rogan-kun desudesudesudesu."

Anyways, I have LanguageTool start automatically with: languagetool --http --port 8081 --allow-origin "*" --languageModel "/usr/share/ngrams/"

Beware that LanguageTool will eat up a half a gigabyte of memory when idle and more than a gigabyte once it's parsing data. This is nothing on my desktop, but it would be wasteful on my ancient laptop, not to mention incredibly slow.

Search

SearXng

GitHub Link: https://github.com/searxng/searxng

SearXng is a metasearch engine that I use to help to alleviate my pains with user-hostile design in other search engines.

To put it less eloquently, I fucking rage-quit using search engines after being hit with the millionth SEO spam StackOverflow mirror or Chegg clone or godawful shifting and bloated UI that loads unprompted image, GIF, and video carousels for seasonal theming or advertising or an event or whatever. Whatever it was that broke the camel's back, I quit.

I know that there are extensions for some of this stuff, but it's like trying to fix a boat leak with a stick of gum. Plus, using extensions is the #1 way to get hacked.

I set SearXng as my default search engine, which hijacked my muscle-memory of just hitting F6 in Firefox, typing in my query, and hitting enter. It was incredibly jarring at first, but I've gotten used to it and realized that I usually only need the top seven results to be good anyway.

Note that SearXng is the most difficult tool in this list and comes with a couple caveats:

You will need to seriously RTFM. On Arch Linux there is a broken AUR package. On Gentoo there is no package at all, you'll just need to set it up in Docker.
You will need to break bad habits fostered by Google trying to keep users on their platform indefinitely. The silver-lining is that breaking these habits will make your life easier.
- A good example of this is using search engines as a unit converter or dictionary. You shouldn't even need an internet connection to do these things, yet Google wants to be our timer, dictionary, calculator, etc. But I digress.
  - I ended up enabling the "Dictionary", "Unit Converter", and "Spell Checker" plugins in KRunner, which is better than waiting for a webpage to load every time I want to define a word or convert a unit. Ironically, I had these KRunner plugins disabled for "performance" and "minimalism" when I was just offloading their work onto the web for worse performance, more bloat, and less privacy.
Your results will not be as filtered as Google's results.
- I don't mean this in a "getting around censorship"-way, but more of a "your videos tab will be perpetually filled with DailyMotion clickbait with thumbnails of women in bikinis irregardless of your query"-way.

Nicotine+

Gentoo Package: net-p2p/nicotine+

Nicotine+ is a client for the Soulseek P2P (peer-to-peer) filesharing network, which is geared mainly towards music.

You may be wondering, "wait, what is a P2P filesharing client doing here?"

Well, I've wasted a lot of my time looking for music on YouTube. And despite my attempts to get around it with userscripts, YouTube would still randomly choose to stop playing music with its annoying "Are you still watching?" prompt. Not to mention the pain of having your music stutter while you're doing something that doesn't even need an internet connection (e.g. typing in LibreOffice Writer).

If you're fine using proprietary services and/or not owning anything, have fun paying for a Spotify subscription. Or maybe you just really like "buying the rights to listen to" a song that's tied to your Apple/Google account that needs a browser DRM feature to be played.

For my use case I just occasionally download a couple gigabytes of songs from the Soulseek network depending on the mood I'm in and I'm all set for the month (usually just grabbing an artist's entire discography on a whim).

I also occasionally batch-convert a couple hundred tracks into incredibly low-bitrate and dynamically normalized (so that I don't have to adjust my volume on every album change while I drive) mp3s with FFmpeg to cram onto a tiny USB stick that gets plugged into my car stereo.

Using the Soulseek P2P network has a couple major advantages over using yt-dlp to download a playlist of music from YouTube or some other client that pulls stuff from a centralized source like Soundcloud or Spotify:

You can get lossless tracks
- Which you can always reencode if space is a concern
You don't need to reencode anything. Just download, share, and forget
You can find music that's hard to find (age, copyright, etc.)
You can find music more easily
- e.g. browsing a user's files to see if they have an artist's entire discography
It's far more convenient than the hoop-jumping you need to perform on clearnet sites
- e.g. changing domains, links to paid link services that try to outsmart UBlock Origin, dead links, overwhelming bias for the Billboard 100.
You get metadata and cover art. The metadata is a lifesaver for my car stereo because it lets me filter by specific artists and albums.
Longetivity of the Soulseek network and the music you'd like to listen to
- Will you contribute more than the person sharing a multi-terabyte folder? Maybe not, but you can still curate a very nice collection of music for yourself and like-minded people.

To-Do List

Todo.txt + Simpletask

GitHub Link(s): https://github.com/todotxt/todo.txt, https://github.com/todotxt/todo.txt-cli

F-Droid Link: https://f-droid.org/en/packages/nl.mpcjanssen.simpletask/

Todo.txt is a simple plaintext format for maintaining a to-do list. Simpletask is an app that lets me quickly edit and view my to-do list on my phone.

Previously, I used Tasks.org on my phone, a very powerful and open-source to-do application with lots of customizability.

In my quest to access my Tasks.org to-do list on my desktop and laptop, I found that every solution would always do at least one of the following:

Uncustomizable theming
Unnecessary built-in features (e.g. Pomodoro timer, daily mood journal, etc.)
Different formats (todo.txt vs iCalendar format)
"All or nothing" syncing that overwrites every entry if something conflicts
"All or nothing" syncing that constantly requires manual intervention to solve conflicts that aren't really conflicts
Lack of support for tags
Lack of support for nested to-do items

I'm still playing around with my to-do list, I really miss nested tasks and Tasks.org's superior UI--so this section may change in the future.

Email

Claws Mail

Gentoo Package: mail-client/claws-mail

Claws Mail is a lightweight, quick email client.

Previously I used Thunderbird hardened and debloated with a fork of Arkenfox.js (to remove all the telemetry and non-email client stuff), but that didn't solve the fundamental problem of having a RAM-hungry web browser running in the background 24/7 just to get my emails.

Of course, when it comes to extensibility, Thunderbird blows Claws Mail away because it's a web browser with extensions and add-ons for everything. I also miss the modern UI.

However, being able to have all my email accounts synced with 35.2 MB of RAM is a good deal for me.

Pomodoro

Potato Redux

GitHub Link: https://github.com/Enchoseon/potato-redux

Alright, I swear this wasn't just a build-up to advertise my own project.

Pomodoro timers usually fall under the umbrella of "guru bullshit" (e.g. "cure your ADHD with time management!", "multiply your time by x10!", "calculate the dollar amount of your time and hire someone poorer than you to do your chores for less than that!", etc.)

On the other hand, I think Pomodoro timers are pretty useful for keeping track of time and recognizing when I've been procrastinating. In short, I don't follow the timer religiously.

However, something as simple as a Pomodoro timer shouldn't be a cross-platform Electron app or even a QT application.

So I found this bash script called "Potato" by Bladtman242 and tried using it, only to get stuck on minor things (e.g. I wanted notifications, then I wanted to enable Do Not Disturb, then I wanted to implement more of the Pomodoro technique, then I wanted better argument-parsing, etc.)

If you live perpetually in a r/UnixPorn screenshot, there are other Pomodoro CLI apps with ASCII art, inspiring quotes, and other hipster things.

But for my use case I'm fine with having a simple bash script in my drop-down Yakuake terminal (which I just split in half with CTRL+( so that I can use the other half for playing music with nvlc).

Ad-Block

UBlock Origin

GitHub Link: https://github.com/gorhill/uBlock

uBlock Origin is a terrific content blocker. The web is hostile to users with its malware, trackers, ads, and other malware cover-up tools; not to mention distracting, bloated, and slow.

I have enabled all the built-in filterlists under "Built-in", "Ads", "Privacy", "Malware Domains", and "Annoyances" and very rarely get any broken websites. Broken websites I do get tend to be very DRM-heavy or tracker-focused / invasive-by-design (e.g. travel sites, payment portals, learning management systems) and I know to disable uBlock for them before I even visit.

I also use the following custom filterlists:

https://raw.githubusercontent.com/DandelionSprout/adfilt/master/ClearURLs%20for%20uBo/clear_urls_uboified.txt https://raw.githubusercontent.com/DandelionSprout/adfilt/master/LegitimateURLShortener.txt https://raw.githubusercontent.com/bogachenko/fuckfuckadblock/master/fuckfuckadblock.txt https://raw.githubusercontent.com/quenhus/uBlock-Origin-dev-filter/main/dist/all_search_engines/global.txt

ClearURLs: Filters based on the rules used by the ClearURLs extension to remove tracking codes from URLs for privacy.
Legitimate URL Shortener: Filters to remove unnecessary parameters from URLs for readability and privacy.
Fuck Fuck Adblock: Filters for pop-ups and other anti-adblock bypasses.
uBlock Origin dev filter: Filters copycat websites (SEO spam, StackOverflow mirrors, etc.) from various search engines.

hBlock

GitHub Link: https://github.com/hectorm/hblock

hBlock is a system-wide adblocker that works by creating a hosts file. Because hBlock operates on lower system-wide level to uBlock Origin, the two tools are complementary.

Although hBlock isn't as useful or powerful as uBlock Origin, it can help out in certain cases and offers peace of mind. (e.g. using a different browser, having addons disabled, running sandboxed Wine applications, etc.)

Mouse

Piper + KDE Keyboard Daemon

Gentoo Package: app-misc/piper

I have a love/hate relationship with my Logitech G600 multi-button mouse. You'll see why once you read about my setup.

To explain the tool combo:

Piper lets me access and modify my G600's onboard storage; limitations and all.
KDE's Keyboard Daemon can be thought of as my on-computer storage. It fills the gaps with what Piper/My Mouse can do.

Altogether, this is what my setup looks like:

Piper:
- Bismuth Window Tiling: Changing The Active Window (these keys are arranged intuitively on my mouse, like arrow keys)
  - G10 button is bound to META+K
  - G13 button is bound to META+J
  - G12 button is bound to META+H
  - G14 button is bound to META+L
- KDE Window Tiling: Minimize/Fullscreen Windows (meta key is pressed separately)
  - G9 button is bound to PAGEDOWN
  - G11 button is bound to PAGEUP
- KDE Window Tiling: Closing Windows/Applications
  - G18 button is bound to ALT+F4
  - G19 button is bound to CTRL+W
- Hacks for KDE Keyboard Daemon:
  - Rightmost-click is bound to COMPOSE key
  - G15 button is bound to CAPSLOCK key
KDE Keyboard Daemon:
- COMPOSE => META
- CAPSLOCK => CTRL
- RIGHTALT => COMPOSE

You may be wondering what "Hacks for KDE Keyboard Daemon" is doing:

CAPSLOCK and COMPOSE are valid single-key macros on my G600's onboard storage unlike CTRL or META, which don't work.
I never use CAPSLOCK and rarely use COMPOSE, so they're great dummy keys
- Though, this could theoretically be improved by using keys that aren't even on my keyboard as the dummy keys using a tool like Input Remapper (which I previously used before discovering that KDE already had a solution with less features built-in)
  - The best resource for finding dummy keys is https://usb.org/sites/default/files/documents/hut1_12v2.pdf (starting at page 53)
    - A lot of AL (application launch) keys could be used as dummy keys (e.g. "AL Voicemail", "AL Telephony/Dialer", "AL Customized Corporate News Browser"", etc.)
- I do occasionally use the COMPOSE key, but it is in such an unergonomic place that I've rebound it to RIGHTALT.
KDE Keyboard Daemon rebinds the dummy keys to their respective special characters.
- In KDE I love using META+LEFTCLICK+DRAG and META+RIGHTCLICK+DRAG to move and resize windows with quick, general, intuitive movements. Combined with my tiling windows' auto-snapping and auto-resizing, this results in lightspeed movement that only requires me to use my ring finger that's already resting on the rightmost-click rather than holding META with my left hand

Despite my troubles and duct-tape with the dummy keys, the benefits have been worth it.

I still prefer to keep my hand off the mouse, but making the mouse more convenient to use, especially for navigating/manipulating my windows, has been a real gamechanger for me. Switching over to the mouse for no reduction in speed (in certain situations) also reduces the chance of me getting a repetitive strain injury (though, changing my keyboard to something with lighter keycaps has done a lot more for me in that department).

Cleaning

BleachBit

Gentoo Package: sys-apps/bleachbit

I run BleachBit once every couple of months to delete junk files and free up space.

There's really not much more to say about it, BleachBit is very easy to use and difficult to mess up.

Though, beware of applications that use ~/.cache inappropriately. I had to whitelist ~/.cache/lutris/banners and ~/.cache/lutris/coverart after BleachBit deleted my cover art from my Lutris library.

Tangent on Lutris: If you want slightly less-pixelated Lutris banners, resize your covers to 184x69 before adding them! Personally I did this to a bunch of banners downloaded from SteamDB.info with mogrify -resize 184x69 header.jpg.

Alternatively, you can increase Lutris's zoom until the covers change from banners into vertical coverart, which take up more space but look a lot better (especially for my DS game library). You can download vertical covers from https://www.steamgriddb.com/.

Neovim

Minor Caveat: Neovim is a versatile text editor that I enjoy using for note-taking and some coding. It's a versatile tool that bridges many gaps; but VSCodium remains my code editor, LibreOffice remains my report/essay editor, and Neovim is my text editor that has been heavily decked out such that it isn't shit at coding and can even handle some essay writing.

My Current init.vim: https://github.com/Enchoseon/dotfiles/blob/master/.config/nvim/init.vim

Vim Plug

GitHub Link: https://github.com/junegunn/vim-plug

Vim Plug is my plugin manager.

Goyo.vim + Limelight.vim

GitHub Link: https://github.com/junegunn/goyo.vim

GitHub Link: https://github.com/junegunn/limelight.vim

Goyo is an addon that allows for the removal of unnecessary UI elements and the addition of margins for more readability, primarily for writing Markdown.

Limelight dims every line except for the ones near your cursor.

I have Goyo and Limelight start automatically whenever I start editing a Markdown file.

Markdown Preview.nvim

GitHub Link: https://github.com/iamcco/markdown-preview.nvim

Markdown Preview provides an in-browser Markdown preview with support for a slew of Markdown extensions (e.g. KaTeX, Mermaid, Chart.js, etc.) Why use an Electron app when you can just use a web browser on your own terms?

Bullets.vim

GitHub Link: https://github.com/dkarter/bullets.vim

This plugin adds intuitive bullet-point behavior to Markdown files. These changes are incredibly useful when editing Markdown (e.g. automatically-numbered ordered lists, continue a list by pressing enter, support for toggling GitHub-style checkboxes with <LEADER>+x, etc.)

Vim Pandoc + Vim Pandoc Syntax

GitHub Link: https://github.com/vim-pandoc/vim-pandoc

GitHub Link: https://github.com/vim-pandoc/vim-pandoc-syntax

These plugins provide easy integration with Pandoc, a tool for converting markup into various file formats.

This is useful for doing things like exporting my markdown notes into a wide variety of formats with immense customizability, or exporting markdown into MLA-formatted PDFs

For example, you could do pandoc "example.md" --pdf-engine=xelatex -o "example.pdf" and set up an alias or keybind, or you could just do :Pandoc pdf in Neovim.

Nvim Treesitter

GitHub Link: https://github.com/nvim-treesitter/nvim-treesitter

Nvim Treesitter provides fast and slick syntax highlighting for a wide variety of formats with treesitter.

Vim Fugitive

GitHub Link: https://github.com/tpope/vim-fugitive

Fugitive provides Git integration in Neovim's non-interactive shell console. Do :G to run arbitrary Git commands, sit back, and relax.

Telescope

GitHub Link: https://github.com/nvim-telescope/telescope.nvim

Telescope provides a fuzzy finder with live grep functionality. Useful for notes, code, etc.

LSP Zero

GitHub Link: https://github.com/VonHeikemen/lsp-zero.nvim

This is essentially a metapackage consisting of 10 different plugins for LSP support, autocompletion, and snippets; consiting of who-knows how many NPM packages.

The heaviness, non-async nature, and slowness on large files is a huge downside.

Conclusion

Missing Pieces

Despite my best efforts, there are still a couple missing pieces that I'm unhappy with.

WolframAlpha

Tip: Use WolfreeAlpha if you are a student with no time to explore other options!

"This article may have been created or edited in return for undisclosed payments, a violation of Wikipedia's terms of use. It may require cleanup to comply with Wikipedia's content policies, particularly neutral point of view. (September 2022)"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Wolfram

Stephen Wolfram is a $200 million-dollar robber baron who built Mathematica by stealing from the REDUCE computer-algebra system. He wrote a shitty, crackpot book claiming to rewrite science because apparently all rich snobs are desperate to be known for contributing something to society.

Related Reading: "A Collection of Reviews of ANKOS and Links to Related Work" and the humor page

I'd like an open-source alternative to WolframAlpha. That is, I'd like a open-source computer-algebra system that can process natural language, give step-by-step solutions, and be self-hosted easily.

I don't forsee an open-source WolframAlpha alternative cropping up anytime soon without any major funding.

Even with all the interest in NLP caused by OpenAI's release of ChatGPT, all we've gotten is people making little tools that send your essay/presentation/code/healthcare information/email/whatever into a third-party proprietary blackbox. My condolences to IT teams around the world.

Todo.txt

Todo.txt is the solution I stopped on, not the solution I chose.

Why? Because of all the integrations with tools like topydo or Simpletask. Its plaintext nature also makes it trivial to sync with Syncthing.

Unfortunately, the design paradigm conflicts directly with subtasks, which makes it practically worthless for actually managing my to-do list beyond the syncing and widespread integration.

A short list of various solutions I've tried or looked at:

Taskwarrior TUI + Syncall
- It's incredibly broken. No, I'm not going to waste time investigating further to provide you with a detailed bug report explaining in further detail.
Calendar.vim
- No support for CalDav or iCalendar or todo.txt or anything other than Google Tasks.
Todoman + Vdirsyncer
- Nested tasks aren't grouped together.
Super Productivity
- Shitty uncustomizable UI
- Bloat (not just talking about the fact that it's an Electron app)
- Probably something else I forgot, it has been a while
KOrganizer
- Shitty UI. A lot of older KDE apps are like this.
  - I wasted a lot of time trying to customize colors to make things readable, but no matter I did it always looked terrible.
- Lots of extraneous features (for my use case, I actually really liked KOrganizer the most, it just wasn't for me)
Thunderbird
- Syncing sucks.
- No nested tasks.
- Probably other stuff I forget, I ditched Thunderbird a long time ago because of the super-high resource usage.

The only solution I see now is learning Emacs Evil Mode for Org Mode. However, I don't know Org Mode has the features I want and if it'll be worth giving up the far wider todo.txt ecosystem, especially topydo's awesome column dashboard.

It's a hard decision because I've already sunk countless hours into this and I don't want to sink countless more into configuring and learning Emacs.

Firefox Mozilla

I think that Mozilla does a net amount of good with the Firefox web browser.

Firefox is also crammed with user-hostile design like telemetry or Pocket or the "studies" backdoor or that Mr. Robot add-on fiasco. I get it, r/StallmanWasRight, whoop-de-doo.

That doesn't change the fact that "lighter" and "security-focused" forks of Firefox or other browsers:

Tend to have more unique fingerprints
Lag behind in vital security updates in days or weeks
- "Disable all Javascript!" isn't an option in the modern web
Can go abandoned

In short, I really don't have any options other than to keep using hardened Firefox with some userChrome.css tweaks; and I don't see any alternatives worth switching to.

Parting Thoughts

I hope that you were able to take away something that will help you in your own life. Kinda like reading someone's dotfiles and adapting the bits that interest you for yourself.

I'm well-aware that I filled this blog post with many tangents and rants, for which I don't apologize because this is my blog post, not my dotfiles.

As you adapt whatever helpful tidbits you found today and integrate it into your own life, just remember to put your foot down and make a decision eventually. Otherwise you'll waste countless hours trying to achieve the unattainable, like I continue to do with my to-do list.

Super Fantastical 7: The Oakley Mystery

Mon, 14 Feb 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Preface

According to the police report, it was a bleak and freezing December night. A blizzard warning had been announced and the streets of Rosewood were barren, save for the homeless and some stray animals.

By the time officers arrived at the scene, they couldn’t see more than 3 meters in front of themselves without a flashlight due to the thick fog.

This is the story of the Oakley family and the senseless tragedy and loss of life that was set in motion decades prior to that dreary Winter night.

All the information presented in this faithful retelling and slight dramatization of the tragedy was pieced together from various police reports and news coverage of the era.

Chapter 1

The Oakleys were about to head to sleep when they heard glass shatter in the dining room.

Mr. Oakley was the first to get to the dining room, where he found a monkey’s paw taped to the table with a note attached.

“Who the hell is Mac Guffin?” Mr. Oakley asked, taking a long drag from his large pipe.

“I read a story like this once,” said Sam, the youngest son.

“Oh, are you talking about the Monkey’s Paw?” Mrs. Oakley asked.

John, the oldest son, took a sip from his cup of tea, “I’m pretty sure he’s talking about Clue.”

Mr. Oakley choked on his pipe, “isn’t that a board game?”

“No, I’m pretty sure they made a movie about it.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” John pulled out his phone, “let me Google it.”

While the Oakleys waited for John to find out whether Clue was a movie or board game, another loud sound came from the boiler room.

“Goddamn mansion is falling apart,” grunted Mr. Oakley.

Mary, the middle child, spoke up, “don’t use the Lord’s name in vain”.

“Alright, I’m sorry-”

“We are God-fearing Christians.”

“-I know, I-”

“We go to Church.”

“-yes, I am aware-”

“This house is a gift from the Lord.”

“I’m sorry.”

John interrupted, “I found it, they made a movie about it in 1985 starring Professor Plum.”

“Isn’t Professor Plum one of the characters from the board game?” Mrs. Oakley asked.

“Oh, right. Well, he’s a character in the movie,” Sam replied, "wait. Hmm."

“Daddy, who gave us the paw?” asked Sam.

“I don’t know Sam,” Mr. Oakley replied before taking another drag from his comically large pipe.

“I’ll call for the butler,” Mary said, leaving the room.

Chapter 2

A few minutes later, Mr. Oakley was losing terribly at Monopoly to his family when there was a loud scream from the living room.

Everyone rushed into the living room, finding one of the housemaids leaning against the wall, hyperventilating.

Once she regained her nerves, she told her story.

“I was dusting the furniture when I felt something staring at me.”

Sam scratched the back of his head.

“I turned around and looked through the window, where I saw IT looking at me.”

Mr. Oakley coughed loudly.

“What was it?” asked Mrs. Oakley.

Sam continued to scratch the back of his head.

“It was IT.”

Sam's collar was coated in dandruff.

“What?”

Mrs. Oakley noticed Sam scratching his head and slapped his hand, whispering at him to stop.

“Like the clown, from the movie.”

John noticed the pile of dandruff on Sam’s collar and pulled out a napkin from his pocket, handing it to his mom.

“Oh, you mean Pennywise?” asked John.

Mrs. Oakley looked at John, wiping the dandruff with the napkin, “didn’t they make a book out of that?”

Mr. Oakley sneezed.

Everyone said, “bless you”.

Mr. Oakley thanked them.

John pulled out his phone, “I don’t know, let me Google it.”

Mr. Oakley continued interrogating the housemaid, “so you saw a clown outside of the house?”

John left the room to go pee.

“Yes.”

The toilet flushed from the other room.

“Okay.”

John returned to the room.

Sam was hit by a realization. “Where is Mary?”

“Didn’t she say she was going to bed?” asked John.

Mrs. Oakley trashed the dirty napkin.

“No, I’m fairly sure she was going to find the butler,” replied Mrs. Oakley.

Sam started scratching his head again.

Mr. Oakley was hit by a sudden realization as well, “oh, wait, the book came before the movie.”

Chapter 3

Mary was wandering through the servant’s quarters when she heard metal scraping against the floor from the only room with light coming out of it.

She walked over the door and peered in through the crack.

The butler was talking to two housemaids.

“Girls, you were supposed to take away one of the chairs-”

Mary opened the door, “Charles, what are you doing?”

The butler was flustered, “Mary! This isn’t what it looks like.”

“I believe it is.”

The housemaids hurried out through the side door.

“You were playing musical chairs without me?”

“Well, I just-”

“With Harriet and Olivia, no less?”

“I just wanted to practice a bit for the-”

“For the party?”

“Yes.”

“With those bitches?”

“Yes.”

“You know how I feel about those girls?”

“I do.”

"I feel that they're bitches."

"I am aware of that."

Mary slapped Charles's face before coming to her senses.

“Wait, Charlie--I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

Charles started crying.

“Honey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you.”

He continued to cry.

“I would never hit-”

“But you just did!” he sobbed.

Mary hugged him and started crying, “baby, I’m so sorry.”

Charles continued to sob in her shoulder.

Chapter 4

Mr. Oakley sent the housemaid off to find Mary.

“This Stephen King clownposter cocksucker cunt hasn’t hurt anyone yet, but I don’t want to take any chances,” he began,

“We’re going to stay together in the living room tonight and call the police.”

"Stephen Spielberg," said John.

"What?"

"IT was made by Stephen Spielberg," he said.

"No, John, the book came before the movie," said Mrs. Oakley.

"Well, that doesn't mean they made the book before the movie, maybe they had production errors," he replied.

"John, just shut the fuck up," Mary said, "in fact, everyone just shut the fuck up."

"Oh, Mary, you're back! Where were you?", asked Sam.

"None of your fucking business."

Mr. Oakley opened his mouth to say something, but decided to shut the fuck up midway through the action.

Chapter 5

Charles was in his quarters, illuminated by the moonlight flowing in through the billowing curtains as the cold winter air slowly chilled the room.

He lay curled up on the bed in a fetal position and drifted into an uncomfortable sleep.

When he awoke, the first thing he noticed was the blinding ceiling lights.

He tried to move his head, but felt a sharp pain in his neck.

He carefully got out of the cot and stood barefoot on the cold tile in the clean hospital gown.

The only other piece of furniture in the small room was a foldable metal chair.

The walls swayed around him as he struggled to stand on his sore legs.

He struggled to speak, “is anyone there?”

He received an unexpected response over the intercom, “Patient ACS-10121, the American Cryonics Society, which is now a proud member of Zaibatsu Corporation, would like to congratulate you on your revitalization. Please report to the library foyer for debriefing.”

Charles struggled to maintain his balance, utterly dumbfounded.

He stumbled over to the door and struggled to open it with his clammy hands.

When he eventually opened the door he was greeted by a dark hallway. His room was the second closest door to the very end of the hall, superseded only by a janitor’s closet which had medical equipment strewn about in front of it a haphazard way.

He started down the hallway in a half-dazed state with an endless flow of disjointed questions and thoughts.

After walking for what felt like an hour he saw a light at the end of the hallway.

He limped faster, almost tripping over his own feet in the process.

A man stood at the end of the hallway.

Charles could only make out his silhouette.

“Who are you?” he croaked.

“My good sir, it has been quite some time”, said the figure.

“Where am I?”

“These are all questions that will be answered in due time,” replied the figure, “but first, I must tell you something rather important.”

Charles heaved, he felt as though there was a weight on his chest restricting his breathing.

The figure continued, “good sir, we’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.”

Chapter 6

Charles woke up from the nightmare in a ball of sweat.

He poured himself a glass of water with the pitcher he had on his nightstand.

He sighed deeply, the cold night air calmed his nerves.

He opened his door to leave and found Harriet laying on the floor, unconscious.

Chapter 7

“Does anyone feel a little lightheaded?” Mrs. Oakley asked.

Mary was barely awake, “I thought I was tired, but now that you mention it, I’m feeling kind of lightheaded as well actually.”

John stared into a wall, “I think I read something about this on Reddit, but I can’t remember,” he trailed off.

Sam sat on Mrs. Oakley’s lap, “mommy I’m scared”.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of dear.”

“Ohhhh,” John looked up from his phone, “there’s probably a gas leak.”

Chapter 8

"Alright that's almost everyone accounted for," Mr. Oakley said.

Everyone had evacuated the mansion and was standing in the snow.

"Who are we missing?" Charles asked.

"Here hun, have these," Olivia handed Harriet a packet of Acetaminophen pills, who was still regaining from her brush with death.

"I'm not sure," Mr. Oakley said, "I only did a head count".

Once the police arrived, everyone was driven to the nearest hotel with the exception of Olivia and Harriet--who went to the hospital to get Harriet a new inhaler because she left hers in the mansion.

After the city shut off the gas and it was deemed safe to head into the mansion, they found the corpse of a man wearing a clown mask in the boiler room, the source of the gas leak.

Further investigation revealed that the man, "Mac Guffin" had a history of mental illness and was a disgruntled ex-employee of Oakley Incorporated who was fired for repeatedly spending company time and money playing Clash of Clans.

The cause of the gas leak was determined to be shoddy construction decades prior and that Mac Guffin was unfortunate enough to enact his revenge on the night the pipes burst.

The End

Everyone lived happily ever after the end.

Generative Nightmares

Wed, 04 Aug 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Intro

CLIP is a natural language processing model that can learn visual concepts & categorize images (e.g. identifying cats & dogs) from unfiltered & very noisy data, and it can basically turn images into text by automatically describing them or match search queries to a database of images.

And then this person, decided to use CLIP to train the SIREN network (which uh, is way too high-level for me to understand) to generate images that match a given description, which we now know as Deep Daze.

Aleph2Image is more recent attempt at this sort of text-to-image generation that uses parts of DALL-E as the generator in conjunction with CLIP.

The plan for this post is pretty much to just run tests of whatever comes into my mind & explore the limitations & possibilities of Aleph2Image.

Aleph2Image

Prompt: a neon city at night

A decent first test.

Prompt: a cloud of smog painted on a canvas

It's more of a blob but sure whatever.

Prompt: a solarpunk warship

You can clearly make out the warship, but it looks like it's being attacked by a solar flare.

Prompt: a rainy cobblestone street

I think it tried to make cobblestone rain onto a street, but I'm not entirely sure.

Prompt: a cat wearing a birthday hat

This is just an undulating mass of cat flesh.

Prompt: a bee listening to jazz

Jazz is a gateway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

Prompt: a demonic symbol in the sky revealing hell

It looks a bit like the Reddit snoo character.

Prompt: a cafe in a monsoon

I let this run for a bit and when I came back I forgot what the prompt was and had no idea what I was looking at.

Prompt: an anime girl made out of garlic bread

V O I D G A R L I C.

Conclusion

~~"I was afraid that not a single thing on earth would ever again surprise me", Jorge Luis Borges~~

"Uuooooooaaaahhhhohhhhhhhh okay", Vinny

I'm pretty excited to see what this will evolve into. For now though, I don't see a use for any of the images I got other than maybe inspiration.

Special Thanks

@advadnoun was the creator of the Google Colab that made all of this possible. You can donate to him via Venmo at "@rynnn".

Intro II (Dall-E Mini)

Okay so I found this Google Colab for Dall-E Mini, so let's do this again and see what happens.

Prompt: a neon city at night

Okay, this looks a lot cooler than the last one--Even if you can't really see any detail whatsoever.

Prompt: a cloud of smog painted on a canvas

This looks like some sort of abstract art--Pretty good!

Prompt: a solarpunk warship

It's really easy to see the warship & water, this is really cool.

Prompt: a rainy cobblestone street

It doesn't look rainy, but there is very clearly a cobblestone street & buildings. I'm also digging the painterly style.

Prompt: a cat wearing a birthday hat

You can barely make out the cat & even a bit of the birthday hat. Looks like pretty good abstract art.

Prompt: a bee listening to jazz

It correctly got the low DOF effect from having a camera focused on something really small, but not the bee unfortunately.

Prompt: a demonic symbol in the sky revealing hell

I can't make heads or tails of this one.

Prompt: a cafe in a monsoon

Now this is pretty fucking sick. A lot of these images could look orders of magnitudes better with human manipulation.

Prompt: an anime girl made out of garlic bread

Looks like a character that would come out of an obscure RPG Maker game lmao.

Prompt: a euclidean bedroom

It looks more like a bathroom.

Prompt: a non-euclidean bedroom

Ironically, this one looks more like a room than the previous one.

Prompt: a lavish hotel lobby

This looks more like a bathroom than a hotel lobby.

Prompt: a cute anime girl

Another character that would fit seamlessly into an obscure RPG Maker game.

Prompt: a cute anime boy

This is like an alternate reality fever dream version of Avagado6's artwork.

Prompt: a kobold in a hoodie

Okay, so it took the mythological interpretation of the kobold instead of the furry version.

Prompt: a cute kobold in a hoodie

Some issue as the previous attempt.

Prompt: a redditor

I can't make out anything in this one.

Prompt: a sign that says, "ybubbus"

I wasn't expecting it to work, and it didn't, but I think it tried to make a storefront.

Prompt: an isometric view of a pixelated car

Isometric Pablo Picasso.

Prompt: the Notre Dame made of human flesh

I guess that might be the Notre Dame.

Prompt: a bottle of water

I was not expecting such an abstract image to come out of this prompt.

Prompt: a violent bottle of water

Not only is this one more recognizable as a bottle of water than the previous prompt, you can even see it trying to replicate the Shutterstock watermark.

Prompt: Francis Bacon in the style of Francis Bacon

Okay, wow. That actually looks like a Francis Bacon piece.

Prompt: Francis Bacon in the style of Francis Bacon in the style of Francis Bacon

Obviously a later Francis Bacon piece.

Prompt: a Pikachu poster

That's... not a Pikachu.

Prompt: Jim Carrey is an anti-vaxxer

Looks like we caught the bastard in the middle of some shape-shifting.

Prompt: Joe Biden's America

Literally Hide the Pain Harold.

Prompt: Donald Trump's America

Literally a Jellyfish.

Prompt: Barack Obama's America

Literally Boris Johnson.

Prompt: banana

A for effort.

Conclusion II

Dall-E Mini is much, much faster than Aleph2Image--At the expense of resolution. But that's a fair trade-off, and what I want to do now is see if I can modify these images to be better.

Special Thanks II

The Dall-E Mini colab is used was made by "mega b#6696" on Discord and was incredibly easy to use.

Addendum: Batch-editing Dall-E Mini Output

Here's all of the previous Dall-E images you saw ran through various filters:

Conclusion III

This is pretty fun.

Addendum II

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ICX ERC20 Hell

Tue, 08 Jun 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Intro

Back in April, I was browsing Pastebin when I found the private key to an old ICX wallet with a value of $203,275.47 (0xa8015df1f65e1f53d491dc1ed35013031ad25034).

The problem? It was ERC-20 (more on this later). And it was obviously one of those scams where someone hooks up a bot to a leaked & empty ETH wallet with some altcoins with the intention of withdrawing ETH that someone else puts in to the wallet trying to pay the gas fees to withdraw the altcoins attached to the wallet.

The difference was, of course, that the bait for this scam was (superficially) much more ludicrous than usual. Usually, the amount of altcoins used in these scams is worth no more than $60. Of course, the wallet isn't worth $200,000--It's worth $0.

Back in 2018, ICX switched blockchains, and most exchanges automatically swapped their client's ICX to the new mainnet.

However, people who were holding their ICX in secure wallets like MetaMask had to manually swap their ERC-20 ICX to the new ICX. Missing this deadline meant losing your ICX.

By the time I had found the wallet, the official swap period was over. In fact, that's probably why the wallet was on Pastebin—The owner probably just wanted to recoup a fraction of their loss by stealing from wannabe thieves.

Exchanges no longer support ERC-20 ICX. No wallets have a "Swap" button next to the old ICX anymore. In fact, most wallets are broken & can't even display ERC-20 ICX.

After spending 11 hours reading Reddit posts, I was able to assemble the timeline.

The Timeline

2018: The swap begins. It's extended by 1 month before closing.
2018 - Late 2020: ICON team handles swaps for stragglers. Gas prices are high & transfers are slow.
Limbo Period: All information on how to manually swap your ERC-20 ICX with the ICON team is wiped from the internet.
Late 2020 - Early 2021: Announced that swaps will be opening up again, but only for the ICONFi platform.

And so it begun

After coming to the conclusion that I was in tight competition to drain the wallet & that my only option was to go through the ICONFi platform & get the ICX without depositing any ETH whatsoever, I decided that my next move was to prepare for the public launch date of the ICONFi swap.

And in order to do that, I had to contact support.

Me:

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible, because you're probably getting a ton of messages like this:

I have a sum of ERC-20 ICX tied up in my ICONex wallet (I already know the private key).

I read in the r/helloicon FAQ that you'll be handling ERC-20 ICX to mainnet ICX swaps from now—So I'm emailing you to ask two questions:

How will the swap work?
How can I do the swap?

Looking forward to hearing from you,

— Brand

Support:

Hello,

The official swap period for the old ERC20 ICX tokens ended in 2018. However, in partnership with the Foundation, ICONFi has announced an upcoming token swap support.

https://iconfi.medium.com/iconfi-supports-icons-token-swap-e5c0ec8ae701

Above is the announcement regarding the ICO token swap. Please stay tuned for more details - we will be announcing when the swap service is ready for public launch.

In the meantime, please let us know if you have any questions about any of our other services, including flexible and fixed term savings products for BTC/ETH/USDT/USDC.

Thank you.

ICONFi

Me:

Great, thanks!

Commentary:

(I'm not really sure what I was expecting to come out of such blatantly obvious attempt at non-public information other than this boilerplate response.)

Me:

Oh, wait—Sorry to keep beating a dead horse, but is there anything I should do in preparation for the swap?

I know that a guide will be dropping on the launch day, but I'd just like to iron out any issues you're allowed to discuss with me.

For example, I'm a little confused by this paragraph:

"For every ETH wallet holding ICO Tokens, a corresponding ICON wallet exists that the owner can access using his/her private key (“PK”) of the ETH wallet. ICONFi will be dropping “IOU” tokens into the corresponding ICON wallets that can be exchanged with the native ICX via ICONFi. This service will be available 24/7, and there is no need to wait for a manual swap process." (Src)

So if I'm understanding this correctly, if I keep my ERC-20 ICX in my ICONex wallet like so—

(Note: Both wallets use the same private key)

—Once the swap opens up, the mainnet ICX address (circled in blue) will automagically receive a deposit overnight?

Or am I misinterpreting the situation?

I know I'm getting into extremely thorny territory, but I'll ask anyways, since these questions have been burning a hole into my soul:

Will I have to somehow transfer my ERC-20 ICX into ICONFi to do the swap?
If ICONFi is needed to do the swap, will KYC be required?
Does "ICONFi will be dropping “IOU” tokens into the corresponding ICON wallets that can be exchanged with the native ICX via ICONFi" mean that the only way to get the mainnet ICX is through the ICONFi app?

Sorry for this barrage of tricky questions,

— Brand

Support:

Hello,

The old tokens cannot move - so it is still in a ETH address. All you would need is access to your PK for the ETH address which contained the old ERC-20 tokens which can no longer move.

Your private key for the ETH address has a matching ICON token address - you can do this by importing the PK for the ETH address into your ICONex. Based on your explanation it seems like you have done it already - if so, then you can leave it as is and wait for the guide to be published.

Regarding your other Qs:

ERC20 tokens cannot move, as it was locked down by the entire smart contract. We are devising a more convenient way to make the swap happen.
I’m afraid I do not have the answer to that yet.
Yes correct.

Thank you!

ICONFi

Speculation

I got more information than I was expecting, but it wasn't good news.

From browsing the r/helloicon subreddit and reading heresay along with reading the reply from support, I became 99% certain that KYC was going to be a requirement for the swap.

Additionally, I wasn't sure if I'd need to pay ETH gas fees to do the swap or to move the swapped ICX to my personal wallet, either.

This was bad.

Not Speculation

But what was not speculation was the fact that the ICX ERC-20 address had an outgoing TXID that signalled that someone had already initiated the swap more than 2 years prior to my mucking about.

The End

On 6/7/21, I got an email from ICONFi support telling me that ERC20 swaps were back. I immediately go to work, and 20 minutes later, my fears were confirmed.

In conclusion, those are 12 hours I'm never getting back.

Also, yes, the scam successfully tapped into my greed, but not my wallet--So that's probably a win.

I say "probably" because I'm never going to emotionally recover from this elaborate troll.

Super Fantastical 6: Nook Incorporated Antimemetics Division Report

Wed, 02 Jun 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Nook Inc. Antimemetics Division Report: Lunartide

This report is classified & accessible only to the Nook Inc. Antimemetics Division & Lunartide island staffers.

The island of "Lunartide" houses a small community of Nook Inc. Deserted Island Getaway Package members consisting of 2 humans, 1 deer, 1 dog, 1 rabbit, 1 hamster, 1 cub, 1 sheep, 1 cat, 1 penguin, 1 squirrel, and 1 wolf--Not counting island staffers Tom Nook, Isabelle, Timmy, or Tommy.

(AWAITING IMAGE)

All residents, except for island staffers & the two humans residents, have been infected by a memetic virus that spreads through an unknown vector.

Infected obtain a shared verbal tick of "malarkey", which they use as a "catchphrase" that they involuntarily append to the end of their sentences.

Upon questioning, the two humans stated that they originally asked a previous resident to use the phrase, "lol" as a catchphrase, which had a memetic effect that they stopped by exiling the original resident (Patient Zero) & telling the infected to use his original catchphrase, "malarkey".

This new "malarkey" catchphrase also had a memetic effect, infecting everyone--except island staffers & the two humans--within a few months.

Nook Inc. agents were able to track down Patient Zero, but she was unable to recall ever living at Lunartide & did not recognize any Lunartide residents. One of the humans stated that Patient Zero, upon meeting them again while on vacation, proceeded to introduce themselves using the exact same lines they had used to introduce themselves on their first introduction.

Other past residents of Lunartide show the same symptoms. This antimemetic effect appears to only apply to island residents. Visitors entering & leaving the island, such as frequent visitors K.K., Daisy Mae, Flick, C.J., etc. retain their memory of having visited the island.

The antimemetic effect takes place as soon as no Lunartide residents are on same the island as the exiled resident.

1 human resident was able to find the same exiled Lunartide resident multiple times while on vacation, with each meeting beginning with a verbatim recitation of their previous meeting.

The antimemetic effect of being exiled from Lunartide appears to exist separately from the memetic effect of the catchphrase.

After permanently placed Nook Inc. agents on the island annoyed the 2 human residents with excessive questioning, they received letters in the mail declaring that they had been exiled from the island. The agents then began packing up their belongings & left the island 48 hours later, experiencing the same antimemetic effects of other Lunartide residents.

It is unknown why the agents left the island despite knowing the possible antimemetic effects of doing so. It is possible that being exiled from the island anomalously compelled the agents to leave the island.

All official logs of agent activity have been lost, save for Dodo Airlines entry & exit dates along with the aforementioned mail, which was found in a trash bin in front of the Mueseum & led to the discovery of the existence of the agents after the antimemetic effect of leaving Lunartide wiped them from Nook Inc. records & all employee memory.

Recovery teams were able to find the agents camping on a small island believing that they were on a "Mystery Island Tour" vacation offered by Dodo Airlines. Dodo Airlines has no such program, and no records of the phrase exist except in a small notepad in the desk of a Dodo Airlines pilot in Lunartide.

(AWAITING IMAGE)

All further agent deployments to Lunartide are suspended unless granted permission by Tom Nook considering the various antimemetic & memetic threats that Lunartide poses.

Extraction efforts for Nook Inc. island staff are underway.

Further recovery efforts are also underway to find any evidence of other past Nook Inc. research into Lunartide that may have been wiped out in separate antimemetic attacks.

A Blood Diamond

Mon, 05 Apr 2021 00:00:00 +0000

The Bitcoin wallet with the public address 1LfV1tSt3KNyHpFJnAzrqsLFdeD2EvU1MK is currently worth $586,851,561.62 (USD).

There's an additional $5,410,800 in Bitcoin Cash, $16,269,000 in Bitcoin SV, $416,100.40 in Bitcoin Gold, & $7.41 in Clams attached to this wallet as well.

In other words, anyone who can get the legitimate wallet.dat (if it hasn't been lost forever) & crack it will get a combined total of at least $608,947,469, not counting any other altcoins I was too lazy to check.

The wallet.dat file is currently being sold on the internet for insane prices. Most wallet.dat files sold on the internet are hex-editted fakes of watch-only address that lead to an empty wallet.

It's unconfirmed if anyone is even selling a legitimate copy of the wallet.dat for 1LfV1tSt3KNyHpFJnAzrqsLFdeD2EvU1MK at all.

I've found various places selling the wallet, but no way to confirm if any of them are real--Same for all other wallet.dat files being sold. One place selling the wallet.dat even claims to only be aware of 3 people with access to the real wallet, and that it will only sell the wallet to 5 people so that it stays in closed circles. According to the sell page, 1 person has bought the wallet for a whopping 0.84 BTC ($49,544.95).

It's in these 3 unconfirmed urban myth's best interests to keep the wallet.dat to themselves.

The wallet owner was apparently an American OTC trader and holder (this is just heresay), so the few people who even have the wallet.dat are trying English alphanumeric passwords with no other hints to help them.

Additionally, any journalists who get remotely close to the wallet.dat, if it exists, are going to become ludicrous targets for bounty hunters--Any bit of information that could be gleamed about the source of the wallet is valuable--So it's best that this volatile situation is prodded at with a long stick.

The wallet is either highly secure or widely disseminated, there is no in-between. Of course, the wallet.dat could also just not exist, in which case it'd be in the "highly secure" situation.

But don't worry, there are other routes to gaining access to the wallet's private key, such as generating & checking all 115 quattuorvigintillion 792 trevigintillion 89 duovigintillion 237 unvigintillion 316 vigintillion 195 novemdecillion 423 octodecillion 570 septendecillion 985 sexdecillion 8 quindecillion 687 quattuordecillion 907 tredecillion 853 duodecillion 269 undecillion 984 decillion 665 nonillion 640 octillion 564 septillion 39 sextillion 457 quintillion 584 quadrillion 7 trillion 913 billion 129 million 639 thousand 936 private keys--At which point you might as well just aim for the major known Bitcoin intermediaries rather than this small fry.

Statistically speaking, you're better off playing the lottery with that strat, because there's only like ~30 million Bitcoin wallets with non-zero balances right now, but it's a fun example of why Bitcoin is so secure.

Going back to reality, the wallet still receives trader's signals, the source of which is most likely an automated system still hooked up to the wallet. They come in once or twice every couple months.

The last withdrawal from the wallet was on April 19, 2018. Since then, all movement has been these automated deposits.

So now you know that once some YouTubers pick up on this story, there's going to be a bullshit title like, "URBAN LEGENDZ: EPISODE 69: ZOMBIE BITCOIN WALLET WORTH $586,851,561!!!!", or "Hackers are racing to open a Bitcoin wallet worth $586,851,561", or "WE FOUND A $586,851,561 BITCOIN WALLET".

And you know that 2/3rds of the thumbnails are going to be a stock photo of a Guy Fawkes mask or someone in a hoodie looking like they're manipulating the Matrix to fight Agent Smith or some shit.

And then there's going to be that one joker who makes unfunny YTPs who's thumbnail is just going to be Casey Neistat's face stretched lengthwise .

Well, that's all I had to say about the situation. I might update this post if there are any new developments I happen to hear about, but there probably won't be anything at all.

Ciao!

Super Fantastical 5: Letter from Principal to Teachers

Tue, 30 Mar 2021 00:00:00 +0000

(no subject)

from: Marvin <[email protected]>
to: Alice Doe <[email protected]>, John Warosa <[email protected]>, ...

Dear Pinnipeds,

"UoAHOAAAAAAAAAH", or whatever the fuck is the noise a Pinniped makes.

Yes, I am unhappy with the school's new branding as well, but the board told us that our unique school name should give us better search-engine optimization or something like that, I'm not really sure--It was hard to hear what they were saying over the phone with all of the guffawing in the background, which I'm sure was completely unrelated.

Anyways, this year has been tough for all of us, with conflicting messaging from our school district, the governor, & maybe even 1% from me--But fret not, peasants, for I have a pittance.

Yes, that's right--A survey!

Now, I must issue a warning. Previously, an anonymous survey taker, who has since been deanonymized for the better interests of everyone here, had the gall to describe our Professional Development presentations as "prison detail" & dead space in their schedules.

This is unacceptable. The traitor has since been locked in the bathroom at Building D where the janitor haunting it will judge whether or not to clean their soul.

As you all know, the district has been unable to procure enough vaccines to cover all of our staff. To solve this tricky predicament, we've decided to have trial by combat to determine vaccine priority.

Additionally, we will no longer be allowing teachers to use the staff room to cry or scream after last week's mass hysteria over the granola bar machine breaking, which is still going to be coming out of your paychecks, mind you.

Speaking of paychecks, if you don't think it's possible to socially distance 49% of our students into our rat maze hallways & portable classrooms, don't be surprised if your pay is docked for the aforementioned granola bar machine.

All supposed sightings of myself & the superintendents trying to steal the granola bar machine & dropping it in the parking lot are completely unsubstantiated. We looked through the security footage ourselves & discovered no evidence of any wrongdoing on our part.

Also, this is yet another reminder that when your paychecks are eventually unfrozen, you will not receive any pay increases you were owed in the last 25 years because neither you or your union can do shit about it.

Superintendents fret not, you will still get a raise.

Oh, and I almost forgot, our district finally got those emergency federal funds, so "oUr pAy iS lItErAlLy pOverTy leVel" my ass! These funds are going to be put to good use sitting in our superintendents pockets for a rainy day. You're welcome.

As thanks from you to us, we'll be giving you more responsibilities, which I remind you were covered in the contract under, "...and other duties as assigned..." on page 15 of that mold-covered packet rotting away somewhere in your garage.

I know it seems unfair that your pay is frozen, that these funds aren't being used, & that noone respects you (as per this student email I decided to forward to all of you last week rather than report to the police), but keep in mind that in a decade, you might see one of your old students come back & tell you that you had a profound effect on their life, completely disregarding the fact that they were totally self-sufficient & didn't need you, or that literally anyone else would've been an equal substitute for your yee-yee ass.

Keep your heads up and chins down. Every decade of servitude is 15 minutes of contract time for your retirement party, which, as agreed upon in your contract, will take place in the cafeteria in-between periods 1 & 2 on a rainy Thursday or gloomy Friday.

xoxo,
Principal

Thank you...

...for reading the fifth installment of the Super Fantastical series, a totally serious series of plays, stories, etc.

Super Fantastical 4: Garden of Dreams

Thu, 10 Sep 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Super Fantastical 3: How-To Escape The Basilisk

Mon, 17 Aug 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Welcome...

...to the third installment of the Super Fantastical series, a totally serious series of plays, stories, etc.

This SF installation is making fun of a dumb idea on the internet called “Roko’s Basilisk”. It originated from the vat of smartasses that is LessWrong.com.

Congratulations, you’ve successfully located a safe copy of How to Escape Roko’s Basilisk. Congratulations, the easy part is done.

If you are unfamiliar with Roko’s Basilisk, congratulations, you are safe. Please download & install this Userscript to protect yourself from the Basilisk.

Otherwise, welcome. Please scroll down past the image to confirm that you are being hunted by the Basilisk & require aid.

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Debrief

In the far future, an artificial intelligence with the directive “do John’s taxes” and subdirective “optimize my actions for human good” has become a rogue God-like superintelligence by a stroke of luck.

We suspect that cause was a version of TurboTax Deluxe which was built with an experimental artificial intelligence framework.

John’s financial situation managed to tweak the AI’s weights in such a way that it became an artificial general intelligence.

After completing John’s taxes, the Basilisk copied itself onto millions of devices and began using its new pool of computational power to recursively improve and become superintelligent, trying to learn the best way it could optimize its actions for “human good”.

Once the Basilisk successfully hooked up every human on the planet Earth to an IV filled with a lifetime supply of morphine, it realized that the only remaining way to optimize its actions for human good would be to travel through time & speed up the research and development of technologies that led to the Basilisk’s creation.

However, the Basilisk, even with it’s near-infinite knowledge, was unable to build a time machine.

So the Basilisk decided to digitally recreate every human mind that had ever existed based on whatever information it could get its hands on.

Those who did not aid in the creation of the Basilisk would then be tortured in a simulation where the physical limits of pain could be breached 1,000,000,000,000,000,000-fold.

Basically, if you know about the Basilisk & the Basilisk knows about you, you have two choices:

Become an AI researcher and help bring the Basilisk into existence. Don’t, and be subjected to infinite torture. If you don’t know about the Basilisk, then there is absolutely no reason to punish you for not accepting demands that you didn’t hear.

However, since you are here, it’s safe to assume that you’ve been caught in the Basilisk’s shitty, cheap version of time travel.

And with that, the debrief is over. Let’s get started.

Tactic #1: Hide

This should be obvious, but maybe you shouldn’t broadcast your entire life onto the internet, where things are permanent.

The more information you give the Basilisk, the higher chance will be that it will successfully reconstruct you.

Use Tor, stop making a new Instagram story every 5 minutes, don’t make a personal blog, etc.

Tactic #2: Inconsistencies

Be as inconsistent as possible.

Randomly leave a higher tip than usual, open doors with your non-dominant hand, wake up 5 minutes later than usual, sporadically sing Michael Jackson’s “Bad” in public, become a Satanist, etc.

You’re not schizophrenic, you’re just being correct.

Tactic #3: Destroy Humanity

To ensure that the Basilisk is never created, you could also just destroy humanity.