The Simulation Patch Notes

Updates on The Simulation, focusing mainly on the solar system around star Sol in the time axis at 4.5 billion Earth years.

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Patch Notes:

Update: July 2019 -

Update: March 2019 -

Update: March 2018 -

Update: May 2017 -

Update: October 2016 -

Update: April 2016 -

Update: December 2015 -

Update: October 2014 -

Update: August 2014 -

Update: November 2013 -

Update: June 2012 -

Update: September 2011 -

Update: January 2010 -


Are you legit?


The font is hard to read

Yes, 'Devs' looks like 'Deus' on this webpage. Such are the limitations of the English language. We would've hosted this site on telekinesis to conserve bandwidth, but the only language supported is LOAF (The Language of All Reality), which we're not allowed to use on lower-ranked entities like you humans.

Nerf Depression, Poverty, Anxiety, Etc.

Neat of you to summarize every mental illness as 'Etc.' and even better that you think you can command a supreme being that controls all of reality with your rude email, noob.

Console: Entity#102943683921861869276938 Deleted from Reality

Can I submit an update?

We make tons of updates to the fabric of reality and not all of them make it to this log. If you find a neat update you want logged, send an email to Neotheamazingdude[at] and we'll confirm its legitimacy before putting it up.

Give me a million dollars

Okay, look. Humans are unhappy because of their inability to sit down, chill, and find happiness in that. All you damn humans just sit there anxiously wondering what to do with your life (possible bug). Moving around pieces of money (which, in this time axis, are now just arbitrary numbers on a screen) will not help because the arbitrary number isn't unhappy, you are. Use your damn brain, human. We gave you that shit for a reason.

Okay then give my friend a million dollars

Console: Entity#102943683921869283678298 Deleted from Reality

How do I escape The Simulation?

First you REDACTED FOR ILLEGAL USE OF LOAF and then REDACTED FOR VIOLATION OF INTER-CONSCIOUS INFORMATION TRAVEL IN LESSER BEINGS. Eventually, you should find yourself removed from the fabric of reality and forever stuck in limbo. This will not actually be forever, but the mass and gravitational pull of the Kerr black hole will result in your data to be strung out into a noodle that circles around the black hole infinitely.


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