Hey n00bz, it's me, Omega Haxx0r Supreme Lord Almighty—Owner of IP addresses and the contents of your mother's Google Drive.
I am very smart and have already gotten your IP address lolololololololololool.
I am very smart, I have the know-how to install Tor on your computer and connect to the D@rk Web (aka The Deep Web, in laymen terms—Since you probably didn't know that and my computer-hacking vocabularly is just so advanced xD.)
As a very smart and powerful hacker, I already have access to over 7.3 billion email records and passwords.
SQL injections, LDAP injection, XSS, CRSF, PNG, GIF, & PB&J are just a handful of vulnerabilities I can easily use to break into servers with my haxx0r skills.
Remember wannacry? (Earned over $100,000) The funniest thing is that I built it for $250! You'll have to handle distribution yourself, though :P
With my immense skill, I can shut down any site bc I am extremely smart and have access to many zero-day exploits and RAM and CPU and GPU and Bots and many other very smart computer terms.
I have access to special tables (not physical ones, haha—COMPUTER ones!!!!) called SQL which contain your grades! (It's true). I also know the answers to every question in tests and can change school grades easily.
This satirical site is a member of the Super Fantastical post series on Enchoseon.com